Lost Without Each Other
by runaway-run
Summary: Sequel to The Right Side of Wrong: Sybil and Soda are married, but new problems always surface...
1. Three Years Later

Hello everyone! This story is the sequel to another of my fictions called "The Right Side of Wrong"…I hope you enjoy it! It took me ages to decide its title, but I've finally made it! So on to the story…

**Lost Without Each Other**

_1 - Three Years Later_

Three A.M. A storm going on outside, just as powerful as an earthquake. I couldn't sleep. I had been awake for the past half an hour and I had been staring at Soda. He was sleeping like a child, he looked so innocent.

I couldn't keep my eyes off of him…when he suddenly started shaking and muttering.

"Soda, wake up…wake up!" I hit him lightly on his face. He finally opened his eyes, looking startled. "Sybil…"

"You were having one of those dreams again?" I didn't need his answer to realize it was like that indeed.

"Yeah…" Sodapop sat. He was sweating a lot. "It was so real…just like…always…" he sighed.

"I'll go get something to drink, alright?" I got up and headed toward the kitchen. It was the beginning of April and it was pretty hot already, even at night. I was sweating a bit, too, so I got two glasses of cold milk and got back in the bedroom. Soda came out of the bathroom with water still on his face, like he had tried to freshen up a bit, and I handed him the glass. "How do you feel?"

"Better…" he shivered, and I knew he was lying. He drank and then kissed me lightly on the lips. "Do you think Pony's awake, too? I hope I didn't wake him…"

"I don't know…"

We checked on Pony. He was still sleeping soundly in his bedroom.

"Do you want to stay up some more?" I asked Soda, as we retreated from Pony's room.

He shook his head. "Let's go back to sleep."

We lay on our bed and I rested my head on his chest. "I'm sorry I can't do anything for the dreams."

"It ain't your fault."

------------------------------------------------

Sodapop used to have nightmares about Vietnam. He had spent almost eight months there and he had seen things he couldn't forget. He had recovered well, but he still used to dream about that period of his life. Sometimes weeks would go by without him thinking about it, and then all of a sudden he'd have the most hideous dreams about those days. It hurt me that I couldn't help him.

Three years and a half had gone by since the day of our wedding and I had almost finished college. In fact, in less than a month I'd be getting my degree in English literature, while Ponyboy, Soda's younger brother, had almost ended his third year of college. He had come to live with Soda and me one year before, because Darry was offered a scholarship to attend some good college in Louisiana.

He didn't want to go at first, but Soda and I offered to take Ponyboy to live with us and Darry eventually changed his mind. Pony didn't want to come to live with us either, because he was sure he would be a nuisance to us, but Soda persuaded him and Ponyboy moved in the summer of the past year.

Soda loved having Pony with us and I liked it too, it made us feel less lonely, since my brother was probably in the other side of the US, for all I knew (I hadn't heard from him in a while, even if he usually sent me a letter every now and then), Darry could visit rarely and we both didn't have our parents anymore. My father had died not much after Soda and I's wedding and he had left me a good amount of money, enough to go through all four years of college and some more (dad had left me a letter saying I should sell our old house after his death, because part of the money would go to some bank and half would go to me). So, at the moment, Soda and I weren't stressing out too much over money. He still worked in the same horse farm and he loved it, he loved horses. He had always been very supportive of Ponyboy and I, when at times we thought college would drive us insane. I was looking forward to finishing, I really couldn't wait: I had enjoyed most of those years, but I felt like it was time to move on and find some job, face the real world.

"Soda…you still awake?" I whispered.

"Yeah…"

"What about that journey to Oklahoma City? When are you going?"

"I ain't sure…yet…"

Soda had to go to Oklahoma City a few times a year 'cause of some show the horses attended, to be sold. Well, it usually was OK City, but it could be Broken Arrow in Arizona or Austin in Texas. He usually stayed away no more than one week, but Ponyboy and I would always feel a bit insecure when he wasn't with us. I always checked twice doors and windows at night.

I was feeling kind of anxious, that night, because I had noticed in the last couple of weeks Soda's nightmares had increased. He said there was nothing to worry about, but how could I not worry?

It wasn't fair. It simply wasn't fair what had happened to him, being sent off to Vietnam. People in Tulsa, people all over the US, didn't even think much of the young people who had been there and had had the luck to come back, and that was what angered me the most.

I had written a long essay about the Vietnam War and the circumstances that had led to the conflict in my second year of college and I had gotten an A on that one. I had felt so guilty afterwards, though, and I didn't even know why. I hadn't even told Soda about the essay and the grade I had gotten.

"Sybil?" Soda murmured.

"Yes?"

"I'll probably come home later than usual tomorrow, I need to do some extra stuff so that I don't have to go to work on Saturday too…okay?"

"Yeah…" I hesitated before speaking again. "Soda, should I book an appointment with Dr. Williams…for you?"

"What for?"

"You know, your nightmares…"

"I doubt he can do much about them." He sounded really sceptical.

"It doesn't hurt to try, though…"

"I don't need no appointment, don't worry." He turned on the other side, his back now facing me. "G'night."

I knew I shouldn't insist. "Night."

-----------------------------------------------------------

Morning came soon and when I woke up I felt miserable, because I hadn't gotten much sleep. I could hear Soda getting ready to go to work, while I lay in bed, too tired to get up. I didn't have classes that very day, luckily.

"Sybil, I'm leaving!"

"Right…" I muttered back.

"Are you staying in bed?"

"Yeah…"

"What about Julie? Weren't you supposed to babysit her for a couple of hours this morning?"

I immediately got up. "I had totally forgotten! What time is it?"

"Almost eight."

"I promised I'd be there at 8.30! Thank goodness you reminded me!" I said, frantic, looking around for my bathrobe, to put it on my nightgown.

Soda grinned and handed me the bathrobe. "You see, you couldn't do anything without me."

Before I could reply, Ponyboy came barging in: "Soda! Why didn't you wake me up?"

"What?" Soda stared at him looking totally clueless.

"I was supposed to be at college by eight! I have a project I'm working on with some other guys! You said you would wake me up!"

"I forgot, Pony, sorry…get dressed, I'll drive you to school!"

Ponyboy rushed to get dressed properly and in the meantime I made a sandwich for him. "Here!" I handed him the sandwich as he and Soda got out the front door.

"Thanks, Sybil! See you later!"

I sighed. What a confusing morning. I finished preparing, then I headed to Steve and Evie's house. Steve was Soda's best buddy and he had married Evie almost three years before: I thought it was really romantic that they were getting married just a year after Soda and me, but not much after the wedding ceremony Soda told me Steve kinda had to marry Evie, because he had knocked her up. In fact, not even six months after the marriage, they had a baby girl that they named Julie: she looked a lot like Evie, but she had Steve's eyes and she was a bit stubborn, like he was. Since Steve worked full time and Evie part time, I lent a hand whenever I could and babysat her, since I only had some classes everyday, from Monday to Friday, and I didn't work.

"Hi, Steve!" I smiled at him, when he had opened the door.

"Hi. Julie's upstairs…"

"How are y'all doing?" I asked, following him. Since Soda and I's wedding, Steve had changed his attitude towards me: we got along just fine now.

"Okay. You and Soda?"

"We're fine! Pony, too."

We entered Julie's bedroom. She was sitting on her bed, holding a doll. "Hi, Julie!" I greeted her.

"Hi." She sounded upset.

"Julie, I'm gonna go to work, Evie'll be back for lunch, okay?" Steve asked.

"Okay."

"Later. Bye, Sybil."

I waved at him and sat next to Julie. "So, how are you, sweetie?"

"Don't know."

"You don't know? You can tell me." I looked at her brown curls falling around her face. She looked adorable.

"Evie and Steve fought last night." The weird thing about Julie was that she called her parents by their first names and they didn't really bother telling her otherwise. It always felt strange to me, though. It was like she wasn't really familiar to them.

"Well, it happens to everyone, but it doesn't mean anything. Sometimes people are just tired or nervous and they say things they don't mean, you dig?"

She nodded.

"So, do you wanna do anything-"

I was cut off by a male voice: "Uncle's here!"

"Hi!" Julie said, a little more happily this time. I laughed. "Hi, Two-Bit."

"Hey, Sybil! Haven't seen you in a while, how's it going?"

"I'm doing great, but we saw each other last night. You had dinner with Soda, Pony and me."

"I know! I just wanted to check if you remembered. What's up, Julie?"

"I'm hungry!"

"Did you have breakfast?" I asked. She shook her head. "I wasn't hungry before."

"Let's go get some ice-cream then!" Two-Bit suggested.

"Now? It's…nine in the morning…" I said.

"If I can have beer for breakfast, she can have ice-cream. Right, Julie?"

"What's beer?"

We laughed. "I guess some ice-cream won't hurt."

We left the Randles' house and after we had bought Julie some ice-cream, we decided to sit on some bench in the park. Julie quickly finished eating and went looking for four leaf clovers, so Two-Bit and I started chatting about meaningless stuff. But I needed to ask him something serious. "Two-Bit…I don't mean to sound noisy or anything, but I was wondering if…you dream about…'Nam."

Two-Bit didn't get all serious when he answered, but he didn't even look his usual self: "Sometimes. It's just like, the more time goes by, the more it all improves…I'm sure it'll never stop anyway. Why you askin' me? Soda's havin' nightmares?"

I nodded. "I feel helpless…I want to help him so bad, but I perfectly know I can't do anything and Soda won't even listen to me when I suggest he sees a doctor or something…" I paused. "I'm really afraid things get worse…Soda's suffering enough already." I pondered about what I had just said and added: "You're both suffering too much."

Two-Bit kind of smiled and replied: "Aw, I'm tough. Soda's tough, too, but since you're afraid things get outta control, you should just convince him to see a doctor or somethin'. I guess that's the only way you stop worrying."

"But he doesn't want to see one…"

"If there's someone who can make him change his mind, it's you, I'm sure!"

I smiled. I wasn't so sure about that, but Two-Bit's words made me feel better. "Thank you."


	2. Riders on the storm

Here's chapter two! And the title comes from the song with the same name by The Doors, if you have never listened to it you really should!

**2 – Riders on the storm**

I think I'm going to fall…either that or…drop everything… I was trying to open the front door and at the same time I was carrying tons of bags. I walked into the living room to get to the kitchen and saw Ponyboy and Lauren, his girlfriend, kissing. "Hi Pony, Lauren!" I said, quickly reaching the kitchen and dropping the bags on the counter. I really hated going shopping on Friday on my own. Especially because it always looked like I was shopping for a family of nine people. "Hey, Sibyl!" Ponyboy entered the kitchen and started helping me with the groceries. "Sorry about that…" He obviously meant the kissing I had witnessed. 

"That's ok…you two were alone…where's Lauren?" I asked.

"She just left 'cause she noticed she was late for dinner at her house. You know her parents…"

I nodded. Lauren's parents were quite strict when it came down to rules, it was a miracle they let her date Ponyboy. She was pretty much like me, a middle-class girl, and she was Ponyboy's age: they had met during Pony's second year of college (which was Lauren's first, since Pony had started one year earlier) and they had been going out together for several months. Lauren had wavy, auburn hair, and hazel eyes, and she and Ponyboy really made a cute couple. Soda told me Pony had a thing for red-heads.

"What would you like to eat, Pony? We have almost everything…" I said, pointing to the stuff on the counter.

"I see that! If you needed help, you could have called me, you know."

"Maybe next time." I glanced at the clock. "I wonder why Soda isn't home yet."

"I guess he got stuck in a traffic jam or something like that."

Once we had finished putting every single thing where it belonged, Ponyboy said he'd be in his room studying if I needed him. I sat at the kitchen table. Soda was late and I had a bad feeling, I just didn't know why. I thought I'd better start cooking dinner, but I felt so distraught I kept forgetting what I was supposed to do next.

I hated silence, so I turned the TV on. News were on, they were talking about the situation in Vietnam. The title read**Renewed US bombing of North Vietnam above the 20th parallel:**_ "Discontent about the War keeps growing in every part of the US: after learning about the bombings on Hanoi and Haiphong harbor, which took place two days ago, protests have been erupting everywhere…"_

I was so caught up in the announcer's words that I jumped when I felt someone's hands touch my shoulders. "Soda!"

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you like that…" Sodapop looked at me with concern.

"You're late! I've been worried sick for you!"

"Why?"

"Because…because you're never this late!" I sounded a bit childish and I knew it, but I couldn't help myself.

"Sybil…what's wrong? You never overreact like this…"

"I'm not over reacting, I…don't look at me like I'm nuts!"

"I was not." Soda grinned, meaning he was indeed doing that, but he thought he could get away with it by showing off his perfect smile. "I think you're a bit tired." His gaze then traveled to the TV screen and his grin started fading. "Turn it off."

I stared at him. Frustration was starting to show on his face, but he just stood still and told me once again to turn the tv off. When I finally did, Soda's expression suddenly changed, like he was awakening from a deep slumber.

"Soda?" I whispered. "Are you-"

"I'm fine!" he almost yelled. "I'm fine…" he repeated, more quietly, before leaving the room. I hesitated for a moment, before following him outside. He had lit himself a cigarette. I heard Ponyboy's footsteps behind me: "Sybil, you need some help with dinner? I'm too tired to study right now…"

I looked at Soda once again before going back in and replying his help was much appreciated. Truth was, I didn't feel like facing Sodapop, because he looked like he didn't want to talk to me about the subject and I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I didn't want to pour salt in his wounds, I didn't want to make him suffer any more than he had already. But I had to do something.

----------------------------------------------

"Next Wednesday? I'll definitely try to make it…thank you." I hung up the phone and glanced at the calendar on the well: a week had gone by and Soda and I hadn't talked much. We hadn't talked about his outburst in the living room at all.

I heard the doorbell rang and went to see who it was. I opened the door. "Sophie!"

"Hi, Sybil!"

"I haven't seen you in ages!" I hugged my once-best friend and let her in. "Look at you, you're so…changed!" Her hair reached her waist, while in high school she had never let it grow past her shoulders, and she was wearing a colorful shirt and a bright, long skirt. She really looked like a hippie and I knew for a fact she was, because last time I had seen her, two years before, she had told me she was going to California with her boyfriend to experiment the hippie life style. I hadn't been too happy at the time, because I knew hippies took drugs and had a very carefree attitude towards love and life, but I couldn't tell her what to do. "Can I offer you something?"

"Maybe some tea, if you don't mind."

"Of course not!"

"So how are you? How's Sodapop?" she asked me, once we were sitting at the kitchen table.

"We're great!" I felt slightly guilty for saying that, but I definitely didn't feel like telling her about Soda's situation. "I'm almost finished with college…Soda's still working at the horse farm…and Ponyboy has been living with us for almost a year now, because Darry, you know, their older brother, left for Louisiana to attend some college there…"

"What about babies?" she grinned.

I blushed. "Well, we never really discussed about it…'cause I'm still in college, so…"

"You'll be getting your degree soon though, won't you? In May?"

"Yeah, I will…well, enough about me! Tell me about you instead!"

Her smile didn't vanish, but her eyes suddenly looked sad:"I…I arrived two days ago here in Tulsa with my boyfriend…you know, Jeff…"

I nodded. He was the one with whom she had left for California.

"…and we're staying with some friends of his at the moment…maybe we'll settle down, maybe not, who knows…"

"Is everything alright with Jeff?" I asked her. I had the feeling something was going on, something unpleasant.

"Of course!" She paused and then changed topic: "I don't remember what kind of bands are your favorite…"

"Nothing much's changed, I like the same bands I used to like years ago…The _Rolling Stones _are amazing…and _The Doors_, I love their stuff…"

She interrupted me: "Oh, I've been to several concerts of _The Doors_! I was so heartbroken when I found out Jim Morrison died in Paris…" That happened the previous year, 1971.

"That wasn't really unexpected though, was it? I mean…I've heard he used to drink a lot…and he was addicted to drugs…"

Sophie suddenly looked uncomfortable. "I don't know…I think I'd better leave now or Jeff will worry, I told him I would only come by for a little while…"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah…I will see you soon…take care and say hi to Sodapop…and Ponyboy…for me."

"I will…"

Sophie left. I sat back at the kitchen table to complete my last assignment but couldn't really concentrate, I was worried for her: although she had said she was fine, I could tell she hadn't been completely honest…I didn't have the time to think about it much longer though because Sodapop entered the kitchen, looking radiant, and kissed me: "Hey, Juliet!"

"Hey, Romeo…" I replied. "Something's happened?"

"No, why?" he asked while sipping some cold milk.

"Cause you look really happy…and that's great…" I hadn't seen him look like that for a while. "Also, you called me Juliet and you only do that when you're in a good mood." Romeo and Juliet were our private nicknames. Steve had mocked Sodapop for weeks when he had found out, years before.

"I'm happy 'cause I'm finally home with you after a long day's work!" He grinned. "Didn't you miss me?"

"Actually I didn't really have the time, I've been busy with school and stuff." I replied. He looked hurt. "I was only kidding!" I immediately added and got up to hug him. "I've missed you. What would you like for dinner?"

"Something with lots of chocolate!"

I smiled. "I'm sure Ponyboy's fine with that!"

"Didn't I tell you? Pony's having dinner at Lauren's, then they're going out, so, it's just the two of us for several hours!"

"Now I see where your good mood comes from!"

He smiled sheepishly, like a five year old that has just been caught doing something he shouldn't. "I know, I know, but we haven't spent time together, just the two of us, in ages!"

That was true. As we started kissing, I forgot everything that had been bothering me lately.


	3. Not the Doctor

I **KNOW **I'm an horrible person for not updating earlier, I'm very sorry! I guess college has just been stressing me out lately, I haven't felt like writing much anymore, but hopefully things are going to change soon. Also, this chapter kind of sucks and I know it, so don't be too harsh with your reviews…thanks!

Disclaimer: I only _wish_ I did own **The Outsiders**!

**3 – Not the doctor**

Soda had a day off on Monday and he offered to come and pick me up when I was done with classes and then go somewhere and have lunch together. I was waiting for him, outside the building, reading the newspaper of that day, April 26th. The headline caught my attention: **President Nixon announces the withdrawal of 20,000 more troops from Vietnam.** I was halfway through the article when someone's hands covered my eyes. "Guess who?"

"Clint Eastwood?" I joked.

"I thought you liked Marlon Brando!" Sodapop exclaimed, removing his hands from my eyes and sitting beside me.

"No way, Clint Eastwood is so much better!" I smiled.

Soda grinned. "Wanna go? I parked in Carroll Street, because everywhere else was full."

"That's okay, I don't mind walking a bit." I took his hand and intertwined my fingers with his. "What did you do this morning?"

"Nothing interesting. I slept some more after you left…then cleaned the kitchen…and checked the mail…you got a letter from Lewis."

"That's awesome, he hasn't written in awhile!"

"I know…so I thought…I'd bring the letter with me." He grinned. "It's in the car."

As Soda turned the engine on and drove off, I read the letter. It bore the date April 19th.

_Dear Sybil,_ _I know I haven't written in awhile, I'm sorry about that,but I hope you haven't been worried because I'm perfectly fine. I'm thinking of moving once again, I just don't know where, and before you ask, no, I don't intend on coming back to Tulsa, but I may visit, if you want me to. How's it going with college? If I'm not wrong, you should get your degree in a month or so! Sometimes I think I was wrong not to attend college, but you know at the time, when I was eighteen, I didn't really think much before acting. Now I'm twenty-five, I guess I'm getting old enough to recognize my many mistakes from when I was a teenager. I'm not complaining though…_ _I hope you,__Sodapop and Ponyboy are well. Say hello to them for me._

_Take care,_

_Lewis Forrester_

"Short and to the point. It's really Lewis." I ironically said, after I had finished reading the letter outloud.

Soda replied: "He sounds like a true writer, I guess you have that in common."

I went silent for awhile, until Soda parked the car and turned to look at me: "Sybil? Are you okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, let's go! I'm so hungry!"

We entered some bar and while Soda went to the counter to order I finished reading the main article on the newspaper. Since many soldiers were coming back to the US, I was hopeful the war would end soon. I knew Soda wouldn't find any peace until it happened.

"Food'll be here in a minute." Soda sat beside me and put his arm around my shoulder. "Reading something interesting?"

"Our President says troops are coming back." I eyed Soda carefully. He didn't bat an eyelash, so I guessed he was relaxed enough to stand what I had to tell him next: "Soda, I…booked an appointment for you with…Dr. Williams…"

"I thought we had already talked about this." He replied, removing his arm from me.

"I know, but-"

"What? You thought you'd just ignore my opinion and go ahead?"

"I just want you to be alright and you need some help, Soda…you know you do…" I whispered.

"I don't need help! Dr. Williams ain't got a clue what I went through, no one has!"

Those last words hurt me more than anything. "I know I don't…I wish I could understand, but if you just see the doctor once, then I promise I won't bug you anymore!"

Soda didn't say anything. "Please?" I insisted.

"Fine, I'll go." He muttered. Before I could say anything, some waitress served us and we started eating silently. Soda was looking everywhere but at me. I thought I'd just keep quiet…

"Sybil!"

"Sophie!" I smiled, looking up at my once best friend. "What are you doing here?"

"Same as you, I'm getting something to eat!" she then looked at Soda. "Hi, Sodapop…remember me?"

"Sure I do, nice to see you again." Soda smiled forcefully. He wasn't in the best of moods.

"Do you want to sit with us, Sophie?" I asked her.

"No, thanks! Jeff's over there, getting our lunch…" she pointed at the counter. "I saw you and thought I'd say hello, that's all…"

"Have you found a place to stay yet?" I asked.

Sophie suddenly looked uncomfortable: "We…not really, but I'm not even sure we're staying in town…I'm not sure what Jeff wants to do…I don't think he likes Tulsa that much…well, I'd better go…see you!" she reached her boyfriend and they left.

"She spoke like she's Jeff's puppy or something." Soda muttered. "What's wrong with her?"

"Don't talk like that, Soda…she loves him-"

"More like she's afraid of contradicting him."

"Just because _you _don't like taking advice from other people, it doesn't mean she-"

"Please! It's crystal clear that she depends on her boyfriend. That ain't good."

"I don't get what you mean."

"I mean…that Jeff guy doesn't look like a nice person to me. I don't know him, but you can just tell…if I was you, I'd try to find out if Sophie's got problems." He explained.

I sighed. "Are you sure you're not just saying this because you don't like hippies?"

"Pretty sure."

We silently finished eating. I knew something wasn't right with Sophie, but I thought if she had serious problems she'd come to me and tell me everything.

------------------------- 

_Dear Lewis,_

_I was really happy when I found your letter. Actually, Soda found it and gave it to me. We're all fine, Ponyboy too. _

I glanced at the clock: I was waiting for Soda to come home from Dr. Williams's appointment. I was very anxious to know what the doctor had told him.

_You're right, I'm graduating this May. I can't believe in less than a month I'll be getting my degree. I can't believe college's almost over! It's time I start looking for a job._

Writing that down made me feel nervous. I had never worked much before, except for a couple of part-time jobs when I was in high school.

_You wrote you don't want to live here in Tulsa...I respect your decision, but I wish you'd at least come by and stop for a while. We haven't seen each other in two years and I miss you deeply…_

Last time I had spent some time with my brother was Thanksgiving, two years and a half before.

_It would also be nice if you moved not too far away from Oklahoma…so we could get together for the holidays, the birthdays and all that jazz…_

I was starting to ramble and I wished the front door would just open and Soda would come in. Luckily, that happened soon. "Soda!" I got up.

"I told you I didn't want to go there, Sybil!" he exclaimed, angrily taking his shoes off. "I told you I didn't want to talk to some jerk who feels superior to anyone because he's got a degree or two, but you didn't listen to me!"

"What happened?" I was starting to worry.

"Well, I kinda…I kinda lost it…after he told me I should see some shrink."

"You didn't hit him, did you?"

"No!" Soda looked like he was almost going to laugh. "But…we should change doctor, alright?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "What about the shrink thing?"

"Do I look like some madman to you? I don't need no shrink!"

"I know you're not mad, but maybe all the doctor meant was, you'd feel better if you talked to some specialist about it…about… Vietnam…" I whispered.

"That's out of the question. I saw Dr. Williams like you asked me to and you promised you wouldn't bug me about it anymore, remember?"

"Sure, but-"

"I'm going to take a shower!" He left the room. I tried to go back to writing the letter, but I was too confused. Not much later, when Ponyboy came home and the three of us had dinner together, Soda looked like his usual self. _Maybe he's right and I should really stop bugging him, _I thought. But despite the fact he had been at the doctor's, I couldn't feel any better.


	4. Memories

Before you read this chapter, I wanted to point out a couple of things: first, I'm not making up anything when I write things about the Vietnam War and the soldiers' experience. I've read tons of stuff about the subject and I'm doing my best to portray Soda the way he could be after he got back from 'Nam. Of course I'm no authority, but I try.

About the final part of the chapter: in case you don't know, a "Bouncing Betty" is an explosive mine hidden underground which explodes when stepped on or driven over. "Charlie" was a nickname for the Viet Cong, a shortening of "Victor Charlie," applied to the Viet Cong using the NATO phonetic alphabet.

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders, obviously.

**4 - Memories**

I was sitting in the college library, researching for my hopefully final essay, before I'd be getting my degree, a couple of weeks later.

"Sybil?"

I looked up. My friend Joan, who had been sitting next to me, researching as well, was looking at me worriedly. "I should leave now, I told my boyfriend I'd meet him at seven and it's already six and a half…"

"Is it that late?" I glanced at the huge clock plastered on the wall. "I didn't notice… I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Are you staying here?" she asked.

I watched her gather her things and I nodded. "Yes…for a little while."

"Shouldn't the library be closing anytime now?"

"I guess…don't worry, I won't end up locked in!" I laughed, noticing the distressed look on her face. I had met Joan the first day of college and we had bonded immediately, even though she was too serious sometimes. She was jealous of me because I was married and she wouldn't be for a while (her boyfriend was in college too) and I was jealous of her because she was very smart. Way more brainy than me. Or so I felt.

"Okay…see you tomorrow."

"Sure." I watched her leave, then went back to reading. I didn't have much luck anyway, because a couple of minutes later the librarian, Miss Irving, kindly reminded me it was closing time, so I had no choice but to take my books and head outside.

Then I remembered: I didn't have the car that day, I had let Pony borrow it and Soda had the other one, so I would have to go home by bus. I reached the bus stop and waited patiently, but either the driver had gotten lost in Tulsa or he had had an accident, because it didn't show up. I was annoyed and took another bus which stopped near the limits between East Side and West Side and started walking home. I passed Steve and Evie's house and waved at Julie, who was playing in the small garden. "Hi, Julie!"

"Hi!" she ran up to me. "Are you going home?"

"Yes…I'm a bit late."

"Steve and I saw Soda before…we went over to your house just before dinner…he was talking to some girl."

"Some girl?"

"Yeah, a girl with very long dark brown hair…dressed with colorful clothes…"

I suddenly felt very worried. "Listen, Julie, I gotta go now…but I'll see you tomorrow, probably, okay?"

"You'll come and play with me?"

"Sure!" I tried to smile reassuringly. "Bye!"

I ran the rest of the way home and when I got there, I was completely out of breath. I entered the living room, panting a bit. "Soda! Soda, where are you?"

Sodapop reached me at once. "Sybil! Finally! I was getting worried-"

I interrupted him. "What happened?"

"Well, I think…you should talk to her…" Soda gently led me into the kitchen. I gasped. Sophie was sitting there, she had a huge bruise on her face and a swollen lip. "Sophie!"

"Sybil…I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to bother you, but I…" she looked like she was on the verge of tears. "…I didn't know where else to go."

"That's okay, you don't have to worry now…you're safe here…" I hesitated. "Did Jeff…"

She nodded, looking down.

I glanced at Soda. He was standing next to us and the look on his face showed he had to be thinking the same I was thinking. "Sophie… is this the first time he's…hitten you?" I asked, trying to stay calm.

"No…but he's never injured me seriously!" she quickly added, noticing the look on my face.

"Why didn't you leave him before?"

"Cause he's not a bad person! He…sometimes he drinks too much, or gets high, and then it's like he can't control himself anymore...but I'm fine, I swear, he didn't really hurt me much…" She sounded desperate, like she totally wanted to justify her boyfriend's actions.

"He didn't really hurt you much? Have you seen the shiner on your face?" She didn't answer. "What if next time…he injures you… badly?" I asked.

"That won't happen!"

"You can't know it!"

"Yes I can! He'd never harm me!"

I wanted to say _He already did,_ but I kept quiet. "Well…you can stay here in the meantime…we have an extra bedroom you can use." I said, looking at Sodapop, who nodded in approval.

------------------------------------------------------

Later that day, I couldn't fall asleep. I couldn't stop thinking about Sophie's situation. Soda told me he had just gotten home when she had showed up, looking miserable and very embarrassed to find him and not me. He had persuaded her to stay and wait till I arrived. They hadn't talked much because Soda didn't want to pressure her or make her feel uncomfortable.

"Soda…you awake?"

"Yeah…"

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you…You were right about Jeff." I rolled on my side and got closer to Sodapop. "I don't know what to do with Sophie. She doesn't seem to realize her boyfriend's dangerous…"

Soda propped up on his elbow and looked at me: "I'm sorry to say, but she won't last long if he keeps hittin' her like that. She could even get killed. Don't look at me like that, Sybil, you know it could happen."

"What should I do? She won't listen to me! She believes Jeff truly loves her!"

"I don't know…maybe if you have a long chat with her tomorrow and try to knock some sense into her she could change her mind… but I doubt it. She seems too sure her boyfriend means no harm…"

I nodded. "And I always thought hippies were against violence. How come Jeff's different?"

"You'd be surprised at some stuff those people do. I've heard some of 'em offer drugs to young girls who are so naïve they don't think they want something in exchange…and next thing the girl knows, she's been raped by them."

"That's terrible…how can they do such things?" I wondered outloud.

"Y'know…I never liked those hippies and I've always thought it had to be because while I was away in 'Nam they were here, safe, getting stoned and carelessly sleeping with everyone they met, but…that just ain't it. That's part of it. I think I've kinda…always wanted to blame 'em cause they weren't supporting us soldiers away. But truth is, barely anyone here supported us."

I could see the sadness in his eyes. I took his hand: "I'm to blame like everyone else."

Sodapop shook his head: "Naw, you're different. And I'm still lucky, cause I made it back home while lots of other guys didn't."

He paused for a moment. "And lots of other guys who did…got back in a wheelchair, or blind, or mutilated in some ways… But the point…what I'm trying to say is…well, I wish they all would experience a day in 'Nam and see how much life's worth really. They just act like they don't give a damn 'bout their life and everyone else's. They just don't get it…Man, I didn't fully get it either, before I got there. God, you see some things…you do some things…" Soda stopped talking. I squeezed his hand gently. I was glad he was opening up, because very rarely he'd say something about his days as a soldier. Very rarely he'd feel like talking about it and I couldn't blame him. I just had no idea how he could keep it all bottled inside.

We were silent for a couple of minutes until he started speaking again: "Sybil…I never told you…I never even told Pony or Darry, I never told anyone this, but…"

"Yes?" I encouraged him to go on.

"There was one day…in Nam…the day I got wounded here…" He pointed at the scar above his belly. "That day, I thought I was gonna die. I was feeling so bad I was almost wishing I would, so that the pain would stop…it was unbearable…I remember lying in some God forsaken place and my eyesight was all blurry, and I wished I had pulled the trigger before those damn Charlies who were shooting at us…I remember this guy, Jimmy Morris, he was lying next to me and he was delirious, he had stepped on a Bouncing Betty…" Soda shuddered. I was listening, horrified. "And he…I couldn't see him well, I could barely keep my eyes open because of the pain, but the only good look I was able to give him…I saw he had lost an arm and he had a huge gash in his stomach and his insides were splattered on the ground around him…I don't know how he was still alive. He died not much later, even before they could take us to the nearest hospital. He was only eighteen… only eighteen…a year younger than me…he didn't deserve to die that way!"

I saw a tear trailing down Soda's cheek. I hugged him and pulled him closer to me. He couldn't speak anymore. I knew I couldn't say anything to make him feel better, so I just held him as tight as I could.


	5. G Day

This chapter is longer than usual and I hope you like it…and even if you don't, please review and tell me what are your thoughts, because I really appreciate everyone's opinions…and they keep me motivated!

Disclaimer: I don't own _The Outsiders._

**5 – G-day**

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, they did.

Sophie had left the house pretty early in the morning and there was a note from her on the kitchen table, saying she was grateful to us for letting her stay but that she needed to work out her problems on her own. Not knowing where she and Jeff were staying, I had no clue as where to find her: I could only hope I'd bump into her somewhere in Tulsa.

What was making me feel even more miserable was the fact that Sodapop wouldn't be in town the day I'd finally get my degree: his boss had told him they'd be in Texas, showing off the horses and hopefully selling some of them. I didn't want to make Soda feel bad about it, because it definitely wasn't his fault he wouldn't be there to see me getting rewarded after four years of hard work, but I couldn't help but feel sad about it…and it showed.

"At least the rest of your friends will be there, won't they?" Joan asked me, as we were having lunch together in the school cafeteria.

"I guess so…but it just isn't the same as having Soda there!" I complained. "I want him to be proud of me…and it's an important moment of my life, I wanted to share it with him!"

"Just consider yourself lucky you've got such a great guy, Sybil." My other friend from college, Helene, piped up. "You know how many guys I've dated?…And none of them was what you'd define a gentleman." She wrinkled her nose, disgusted.

"I know I'm lucky I have Soda…it's just…I don't know. I've always imagined my graduation day as one of the best moments of my life and without him…it kinda…doesn't make sense." I insisted.

"Hey, I have an idea: why don't the three of us go out together to celebrate our graduation?" Joan suggested.

"When?" I asked.

"The same day we get our degree. We could go to the movies or to dinner somewhere…and get so drunk we won't even remember our names!"

I laughed. "That sounds great, but I'm not a big fan of alcohol. Actually, I have never tasted something that I really liked." I pointed out.

"You're such a goodie-two-shoes!" Joan complained.

"I know." I sighed. "You think I'm boring?"

"No, you just…need to relax more."

_How can I relax when everything's going wrong? _I thought. "So…" I decided to changed topic. "What are you girls planning on doing once we're finished with college?"

"I'm not sure yet…the only thing I can picture myself doing is teaching." Helene replied.

"I don't know either." Joan exclaimed, sounding a bit gloomy. Her eyes lit up, though, when she added: "What I know for sure is that I want to marry Adam." Adam was Joan's boyfriend. "Maybe I wouldn't mind just being a housewife after that."

"And you, Sybil?"

I hesitated. "Well, I…I'd like to write for some newspaper…"

"So you wanna be a journalist?"

"Not really, I mean…I just want to write. I'd love to be able to write a novel."

"Knowing you, that seems likely to happen." Joan reassured me.

"I don't know. It's not that easy and writers aren't necessarily that wealthy most of the time, unless they're super famous, are they?" I pondered outloud. "I guess I'll start looking for a job very soon. I don't wanna be just a housewife."

"Well, what's so bad about that? Once you have kids you'll have to stay home and look after them anyway." Joan pointed out.

"Who knows…I'm not even sure Soda and I will ever have kids. We never discussed about it seriously." As I spoke those words, I couldn't help but feel really sad.

"It's not like you have to plan it, you know…just…let it happen." Helene suggested.

"I can't! I have to make sure Sodapop's okay with the idea…and I need to be okay with it, too."

For some reason, the idea slightly scared me and I didn't know why.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

That week went by slowly. On late Friday afternoon, I was walking around aimlessly and I ended up reaching my old house, the one I had sold when my dad had passed away, the one my brother and I had grown up in.

It still looked the same. I stared at it for a while, remembering my sweet mother, my caring father, my impulsive brother. Remembering the first time Soda had picked me up. The first time he had had dinner with my dad and me. The time when he had almost spent the night when my father wasn't there. The time when he had finally come back from Vietnam and showed up at the front door.

"Sybil…"

I turned around and smiled. "Hey…how did you know I was there?"

"You always take a walk and end up showin' in front of your old house, when you're upset."

"You know me too well, Soda…" My smile faded a bit. "I hope I haven't been too much of a pain lately, holding a grudge against you…" I added.

"Look, I feel lousy that I can't make it on time for your graduation…I know how bad you wanted me to be there and I don't guess I can make up for it in any way…" He looked so serious as he spoke, as I rarely saw him. "But…I hope you can forgive me."

"Sure I can, I know you haven't purposely decided to go to Texas on the week of my graduation. It's just…I guess I'm just being selfish at the moment." I replied, nervously running a hand through my hair.

"You got every right to be." Soda gently got ahold of my hand and interlocked his fingers with mine. "If I could, I'd be with you always." He grinned and added: "But you'd probably get tired of me if I were there all the time, right?"

I made a face: "Right. I really don't know how I could manage. Thank goodness you aren't always around."

"Sure, you hate me so much you can't stand sleeping on your own. I know you hate it." He grinned.

"I do not hate it!" I tried not to look guilty. Truth was…I hated it when Sodapop was away because of his job and I slept in our king-sized bed all alone. Those nights, I wished so much we had a puppy, a kitten or a dog.

"You do." He insisted.

"No I don't."

"Then, I could just sleep on the sofa from now on, it's so much more comfortable than the bed."

"What? The bed's new and the sofa's like, fifteen years old!" It used to be the one of the living room of my old house.

"That's why it feels nice to sleep there, it's old enough but not too old it's completely worn-out." He laughed.

"I hope you're kidding."

Soda smiled once again before hugging me. "You know…and I mean this in a serious way…I'd give you the world if I only could, Sybil…but since I can't…" he paused and looked into my eyes, slowly letting me go. "I arranged something for you. It's a surprise."

Being the most curious person in the whole world, I immediately started firing questions at him: "What do you mean? What kind of surprise? Where-"

"Let's go back home and you'll see." He grinned devilishly, reaching the car he had parked nearby and opening the passenger's door for me.

I eyed Soda suspiciously for all the ride back home, which took about ten minutes. Soda drove pretty fast most of the time and I usually scolded him because of that, but this time I was going to let it go because my curiosity was overcoming me.

"So?" I urged as we both got off the car.

"Hold in!"

He motioned for me to enter the house and reach the living room. I did, and felt my good mood come back all of a sudden. "Lewis!"

"Hello, little sister!" My brother smiled and I didn't say anything but rushed to hug him. "I missed you!"

"I know, I know, but please, don't squeeze me to death!" he joked.

I let go, feeling close to tears. "I really missed you!"

"Me too." He smiled. "Why are you making that incredulous face? You didn't seriously believe I'd miss your graduation!"

I was speechless. Lewis turned to Sodapop: "Is she always this talkative?"

Soda grinned and shook his head: "It just depends on her mood."

"Yeah, I know how moody she can be." My brother nodded.

"What? I'm not moody! Don't look at me like that, Lewis, you know I'm not! Why are you laughing now?" I replied.

"Nothing…" He ran a hand through his medium-length hair. It wasn't as long as Soda's, but it wasn't short either, and his grey eyes were as piercing as they had always been, which was also one of the reasons why girls liked him so much when he was in high school. He looked the same old big brother of mine, but there was something different about him. He was definitely more manly, but I thought it was normal, since he was twenty-five.

I turned to look at Sodapop, who was standing close to both Lewis and I. Soda was as tall as my brother, but that was the only similarity. They were totally different, when it came down both to looks and personality. It was strange in some way, considering they were two of the most important people in my life.

Then, I almost snapped: "Lewis, are you really staying to see me graduating?" I couldn't help but feel suspicious.

"Have I ever broken a promise?"

I carefully thought about it for a minute. It was true he hadn't always been around when I needed him and he had kept things hidden from me before, but he had always kept his word: when he said something, he'd do it, no matter what. So I slowly answered: "I guess you haven't…"

"I know you're only receiving your diploma next week, but I kinda…missed Tulsa and I thought…hell, why not spend some extra time here?" he shrugged.

"I'm glad you came early. You still haven't told me where you're living at the moment!"

We spent the rest of the day chatting. I never realized how much I truly missed my brother.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Soda, I'll be fine! Don't worry about me…I've got Lewis and Pony…and Joan and Helene…okay. I'll see you on Monday…when you come back. Be careful, alright? Don't do anything stupid like trying to…tame a wild horse or something…please. Yes…bye."

I hung up the phone and looked at my brother who had just entered the living room. "Soda phoned."

"Yeah, I got that." He grinned. "You act all lovey-dovey when you speak to him."

"That's not true."

"It is."

"It's not."

"It is."

"You're acting like a ten year old."

"Same goes for you."

I couldn't find a successful comeback, so I didn't reply. Seeing Lewis look so peaceful, though, made me lose it and I started venting. "I'm graduating tomorrow and I'm freaking out already! What if I trip and make a fool of myself? What if I don't wake up on time? What if…what if my degree goes missing and they can't give it to me?"

Lewis looked at me like I were some kind of psycho. "Sybil, calm down. Take a deep breath…okay, take another deep breath. Everything will be perfect tomorrow, alright? Just stay calm."

"I can't!" I sighed and plopped into the sofa. "I know that I wouldn't be so nervous if Soda was here. But since he's away…I can't help but feel insecure."

Lewis sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulder. "You're gonna do great, with or without him! You're independent, you aren't like many girls I know who have to rely on someone else, especially a man, all the time…that's what's great about you."

His words made me feel better. "You think so?"

He nodded. "You just need to relax now! Tomorrow will be a great day for you and you should feel excited, not frightened."

"You're right. You know what? You've matured so much!"

"Me?" he laughed. "No way!"

And for once, Lewis was right about everything. I didn't trip, I didn't make a fool of myself, I didn't act like an idiot and everything went pretty smoothly. On May 25th, I got my degree in _English and American Literature and Language_ and while I was standing there, holding it, getting my picture taken, I couldn't believe it. A feeling of wholeness and serenity came over me and I knew that was going to be one of the moments I'd always remember as the happiest and most rewarding.

When everything was over and I headed toward Ponyboy and Lewis, I let a tear escape. Because they weren't alone. "Soda!"

"Congratulations, Sybil." Sodapop was there as well, smiling hugely and looking extremely pleased. "I'm very proud of you!"

"You made it! How come? I'm so happy!" I hugged him and let his arms envelope me in a tight embrace.

"To make a long story short…I decided my boss could do without me for some hours and I drove back to Tulsa…" He grinned.

"It must've taken you hours to come back!" I exclaimed.

"Who cares? I felt so lousy at the thought of missing this amazing day…I didn't want to let you down."

"And you didn't! I can't believe it…" I paused and kissed him. "Thank you! You have no idea how much this means to me!"

Soda laughed. "I do, I can see it in your eyes. I'll have to leave tomorrow, pretty early in the morning…now let's go somewhere and celebrate!"

Ponyboy piped up: "If you don't mind, and I'm sure you don't, I'm meeting Lauren in about half an hour, we're having dinner together, so…I'd better leave…"

"I think I'll also leave you alone and go see some old friends." Lewis said. "Don't wait up for me!"

I thanked both of them for coming (and for standing stressful-me all day) and looked up at Soda: "So…what do you wanna do?"

"It's your great day, you tell me!"

"I just want to be with you…possibly alone."

"That's what I was thinking." Soda smiled and we left the college grounds, together.


	6. New places, old faces

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm going to thank you individually later, I've been pretty busy these days!

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own **The Outsiders. **Amazing S.E. Hinton does.

**6 – New places, old faces**

"Coke or Dr. Pepper?"

"Dr. Pepper."

"Los Angeles or New York?"

"Maybe LA, 'cause of the climate."

"John Lennon or Mick Jagger?"

"Are you serious? Mick Jagger all the way!"

"Mick Jagger what?" Soda asked, entering the room. "Hi, Helene." He smiled at my friend.

"We were doing some kind of magazine quiz to see what your personality's like, Helene was firing the questions at me." I told him.

"And what about Mick Jagger?" Soda insisted, sitting next to me.

"I said I'd choose him over John Lennon…because he's got a great voice, he wrote some amazing songs and…I guess he's not bad to look at, either." I explained.

"What? You seriously think he's good-looking?" Soda asked me in disbelief.

"He is! If I were a teenager still, I'd probably have a poster of him on my bedroom wall."

"I can't believe your tastes!" Soda shook his head.

Helene piped up: "You're kind of insulting yourself by saying that."

"Not really, I'm the exception that proves the rule!"

We all started laughing. "What time is it?" I glanced at the clock. "Helene, maybe we should leave."

"Okay, let's go." Helene got up and started looking for her car keys in her bag.

"How long will you be there?" Soda asked me, while he walked us to the front door.

"I don't think I'll be away much…Mr. Scott can't have much to say to us."

Helene and I had both received a phone call from one of our college teachers, Mr. Scott, a couple of days after our graduation. He had told us he had some good news and had asked us to meet him in his office to discuss about it. "I still have no idea what he wants…oh, by the way, Soda, you should ask Steve to check the car because I think it's got problems with the friction…I've been wanting to tell you for a couple of days but I always forgot."

"Alright, see you later." Soda waved at us as we got into Helene's car and she drove off.

--------------------------------------------------

"Going to California?"

"That's the general idea…"

A disbelieving Sodapop was staring at me like I was an alien, his mouth slightly open. "What's it mean? How longer would you have to stay there?"

"Well…" It was difficult to tell him. The way he was looking at me made me feel the most cruel person ever existed.

I took a deep breath. "About a month."

"I don't think I understand."

"My teacher says it's an opportunity for Helene and me to work as part of a newspapers staff since they're employing graduates… who've just finished college…to show them what it's like to work as journalists…or kinda, they're certainly not letting us write much, I expect."

"How come…it's in California?"

"Mr. Scott used to teach there…and he's friends with someone who runs that newspaper...the Daily Californian." I slowly answered.

"And you'd have to leave…when?"

"Next week."

Soda's eyes looked sadder every second that went by. "Where will you stay?"

"In some bed & breakfast with Helene. Look, Soda…if you don't want me to go…I won't go." I hesitantly said.

Sodapop was silent for a while. "You wanna go, don't you?"

"They're paying me and it'd be a great experience, it could even be useful for my future job here in Tulsa…" I raised my voice a little when I pronounced the last three words. "And I'd be with Helene, you wouldn't have to worry…"

"So…you wanna go?" he repeated.

"If you'd rather I stay…I will. Soda…" I took his hands and gently squeezed them. A strange mixture of emotions was on his face and I couldn't decipher it properly.

"I don't wanna get in your way."

"How can you say that? We're married!"

"Yeah, we are." He acknowledged that. "But…I shouldn't obstacle you…because you have potential, you can go far and I know it better than everyone else…"

"Soda, just be honest with me! If you think you can't handle my absence for a month…just tell me so! You know I'd do anything for you and if I have to renounce to this…trip…I'll do it willingly!"

"Let's talk about this tomorrow, okay? I'm too tired to think clearly right now." He got up and opened the fridge, looking for something to cook for that day's dinner.

It was obvious he didn't want me to indulge on the subject, so I didn't. Mr. Scott's idea had found me completely unprepared: I'd thought he wanted to congratulate Helene and I because we were two of the best students in his class or something like that, maybe give us suggestions for our future jobs…I wasn't expecting him to ask us if we wanted to spend one month in California as apprentices for the Daily Californian. Helene had been just as surprised as me, but having no boyfriend and having nothing that kept her tied to Tulsa except her family, she was very eager to go.

Me, on the other hand…I was confused. Soda and I couldn't afford to travel much and spending one month in California, in San Francisco to be exact, would be wonderful. I had asked Mr. Scott if we could go back for the weekends but he'd said we'd probably be very busy and have only one day of rest a week…and deep down inside, I wasn't sure I could stay a whole month, four long weeks, thirty endless days without seeing Sodapop.

But I remembered my brother's words very well. _You're independent, you aren't like many girls I know who have to rely on someone else, especially a man, all the time…that's what's great about you._ That may have been true…but I could only be independent as long as Soda was with me. It was weird, but that was the way things were. Lewis had left the day after my graduation, a week before, and I was missing him terribly already. If only he had been there, he would have given me some advice…

"Sybil?" Ponyboy called.

"Yeah?" I automatically answered.

"Joan's on the phone!"

"Thanks…" I absent-mindedly picked it up: "Hey, it's Sybil…"

Joan basically wanted to say how happy she was about me and Helene's chance to go to San Francisco and that she was very jealous of us. If I could have switched places with her, at that very moment, I would have. It would have been a liberation to know she was the one chosen to go to California and not me.

Also, I hadn't forgotten about Sophie. What if she showed up and needed me to get away from Jeff?

As I drifted off to sleep that night, I hoped the morning would bring me some comfort, because at the moment I wasn't feeling any good.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"I feel like…such a traitor." I sighed, looking outside the train's window.

"Aw, Sybil, don't torment yourself this way. It's just a month…you'll see, it will go by very quickly. We'll get back to Tulsa so soon that you'll end up missing San Fran." Helene tried to cheer me up.

"We've been on this train for a couple of hours and I miss him already! How will I endure a month without Soda?" I retorically asked.

"We'll be so busy you won't even have the time to think about him! Trust me."

Helene was a great friend, but sometimes she just didn't get it. I knew I'd be in a foul mood for the rest of the day, I knew I'd grow tired of San Francisco very soon and I knew I wouldn't be the most pleasant person to have around for the following days (if not weeks).

Helene's and I's bedrooms in the bed & breakfast we were staying in were nice, not much different from what I was expecting.

We found out the newspapers headquarters were located near one of the many colleges of San Francisco and consequently many young people came and went all day, despite the fact it was June. Unlike me and Helene, those persons still had several years of study ahead of them.

On the sixth day of our first week in San Francisco, I was tired already, but determined not to give up. Working at the Daily Californian was hard, but I felt rewarded in some way. The only times I felt really bad, was whenever I'd talk to Sodapop on the phone: he was trying not to let me hear he was a bit sad, but I could tell anyway.

I was pondering whether it was the case or not to go to Tulsa on Sunday, even if it meant getting up very early in the morning and only spend a few hours there before catching the train to go back to San Francisco once again, when I heard someone call out my name. "Is that you, Sybil? Sybil Forrester?"

I looked up. I knew that voice from somewhere. "Seth?" I muttered. "Seth Tucker?"

"It's great to see you!" He smiled warmly. "What are you doing here in San Fran?"

"I could ask the same to you!" I grinned, surprised.

Seth hadn't changed much. He had always been quite good-looking and he still was. He still had short hair and sparkling green eyes, he still looked like the teenager who attended high school with me. He was more tanned than he'd ever been, though, and there was something sweeter in his looks, in his ways.

"I go to college here!" he told me, still smiling.

"I didn't know…"

"Yeah, I'm going to be a doctor. Someday."

"A doctor? You?" I laughed.

"What are you laughing about? Can't you picture me as the greatest doctor of the US?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"What about the greatest doctor of Oklahoma?"

"No."

"The greatest doctor of Tulsa, then?"

"That I can do." We both laughed.

"Are you going somewhere? Cause if you're not, we could go and get a coffee together." He suggested.

I hesitated. "I don't know…aren't you busy?"

"I can find some time for you…I mean…" I knew what he meant, so I shushed him. "Okay, let's go! Show me the nicest bar of San Fran!"

Once we were comfortably sitting at a table and sipping on some coffee, I told him the reason of my presence in California and he seemed very pleased.

"How are you doing in school? Do you like it?" I asked him then.

"Yeah, but I can't deny it's pretty tiring. I'm so worn-out in the weekends…I don't have time to do anything anymore. I can't even remember the last party I went to, or the last girl I went out with." He paused. "Sorry, that's a sensitive subject."

"That's fine…"

"So…you and your boyfriend…what was his name…? Well, you're married now, aren't you?"

"Sodapop and I, yeah. Have been for a while now. I didn't really know if I should come here because I didn't want to leave him, but…it's just a month. Actually, a week has already gone by."

"I see. I'm happy for you…and I'm sorry I acted like a jerk in the past." He sounded truly sincere and I believed him, so I replied: "It's okay…it was years ago. We've both matured, hopefully."

Seth just stared at me, smiling, as I drank my coffee. "What?" I eventually asked.

"Nothing. Sorry. I just…I wish I could go out with you. I think I'm so grumpy because I haven't found anyone, so don't mind my ramblings too much."

"You'll find the right person for you someday." I assured him.

"You don't have a sister, do you?"

"No!" I laughed.

"That's ok…I know if you had one, she couldn't be better than you, anyway."

"Seth! Stop flattering me…or whatever you're doing! I'm not perfect at all!"

"It's not my fault you were my first serious crush." His gaze lingered on me for a little while, before he changed subject of conversation: "Hey, do you remember Louise Graham?"

"Sure, she was in most of my classes…"

"Well, she's the hippiest hippie I've ever seen 'round here! She's so different from the high school years, you wouldn't believe your own eyes if you saw her!"

I looked down. His comment had reminded me of Sophie.

"Sybil? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I didn't feel like telling him about my friend, it was too personal.

Not much later, Seth walked me to the bed & breakfast where I was staying. "So…I'll see you around? Before you leave, I mean…"

"Sure…it was nice seeing you…I feel seventeen-year-old again!" As I said that, I realized how truthful that was.

"Cool." Seth smiled. "I'm glad I met you. See you soon, Sybil."

"See you…"

I stared at Seth walking away, then rushed inside. I still hadn't phoned Soda that day.


	7. This is the end, beautiful friend

Hello everyone! Despite the title of this chapter, this is **not** the end of the story, so don't worry!

Well, last weekend I was in London and I'm so in love with that city! I wish I lived there and one day I probably will (I know I'll try my hardest to make it)! I saw this guy who looked exactly like the singer from the band _The Servant,_ I don't know if they're famous in the US but in Europe they are!

I'm also addicted to Starbucks…which is not good, is it?

Okay, I'm done with the ramblings!

Disclaimer: I only own Sybil, Seth and Helene.

**7 – This is the end, beautiful friend**

"Seth is so hot!"

I pretended I hadn't heard a word.

"I can't believe you never went out with him! I'm sure he's asked you, right? Right?"

"Helene!" I almost shouted. "I have to finish this article for the newspaper! Will you be silent for a minute?"

"You can do that later! I wanna know about Seth! What was he like in high school?"

I sighed and turned to face her, dropping my pen on the table. "First of all, he's not _that_ hot. Second, in high school he was a jerk most of the time."

"You serious? He looks so sweet!" She sighed in awe. I rolled my eyes. "You sound like a teenager who's got her first crush."

"I can't help it…"

Helene looked so entranced I didn't bother replying. Since she had bumped into Seth the day he had walked me home, she had been talking about him non-stop and they hadn't even exchanged a few words, just smiled at each other. When she had found out we went to the same high school, she had started driving me nuts with all kind of questions.

I studied her features for a second: her dark brown locks, which went a couple of inches past her shoulders, and her blue eyes definitely made her stand out in a crowd…she was really pretty. She was also tall for a girl and sometimes I wished I looked like her.

She had never been lucky with guys. She had told Joan and I that she had had two boyfriends in high school, who both turned out to be possessive idiots, and other two boyfriends during the college years, but it didn't last long with either of them. On our final year she hadn't dated at all, because she said she was "sick and tired of attracting all of the jerks of Tulsa, Oklahoma". And I thought that had to be simply because most guys didn't bother getting to know her, but were only interested in her good looks.

"D'you mind if I turn the radio on?"

Her words shook me out of my reverie. "No…Go ahead."

Coincidentally, one of my favorite songs was on.

Let's swim to the moon, let's climb through the tide 

_Penetrate the evenin' that the city sleeps to hide_

It was _Moonlight Drive_ by The Doors. I remembered telling Sophie that maybe Jim Morrison had brought his death upon himself, because he was addicted to drugs and alcohol…

Let's swim out tonight, love, it's our turn to try 

_Parked beside the ocean on our moonlight drive_

…and I regretted saying that. I didn't have the right to judge anyone and sometimes I just did, without thinking twice. Soda was different. If he didn't like someone or something, he spoke his mind, but he was never harsh about it…or if he was, he had pretty good reasons. But most of the time, he was sweet to everyone, even to those who didn't deserve it.

Let's swim to the moon, let's climb through the tide 

_Surrender to the waiting worlds that lap against our side_

_Nothin' left open and no time to decide _

_We've stepped into a river on our moonlight drive_

I missed Soda so much…and I had only been away for nine days. The only thing that made me feel better was marking each day on the calendar on the wall.

"I'll go call Soda." I announced, getting up and leaving the room.

I had to dial the number three times before someone finally answered. "Hey, Pony, it's Sybil! Is Soda there? He's showering? Well, don't bother him, just tell him I've called…how are you two? No, there's no need to call him…wait!"

Ponyboy ignored me and called Sodapop. When I heard his voice, I felt so much better. "Hi…I didn't mean to interrupt you!"

"You kiddin? I love hearing your voice. Even if I'm still covered with soap from head to toe."

I laughed. "I'd like to see that, ask Ponyboy to take a picture."

"He's just left, once again on a date with Lauren. They're getting pretty serious…"

"And you don't like it?" I asked, feeling a slight hint of disappointment in his voice.

"I like her, I just think they're very young…"

"Aw, come on, Soda, you were younger than Ponyboy when we got married. Leave them be."

"Alright. Maybe I'm just jealous cause I wanna see you, too."

"I know…I miss you…" I whispered.

"So, is everything okay in San Fran?"

"Yeah, everything's fine…" I was suddenly at a loss of things to say. "You know…I met an old friend…kinda."

"Who?"

"Seth Tucker."

Soda's tone changed quickly. "The one who went to high school with you? The one who wanted you to be his girlfriend?"

I knew I had made a huge mistake telling him about Seth, but I hated hiding things from him. "He never…yes, the one who went to high school with me."

"Did he hit on you?"

"Soda! He would never…he knows I'm married to you!"

"So? That must make it all the more exciting for him."

"Be serious…who cares about Seth? I only mentioned him because…I met him and thought I'd tell you…I mean, he's way nicer now than he's ever been, he's here in medical school…"

"Oh, so he's even in medical school? That's great, I guess he really is perfect now."

"Soda…you know I didn't mean anything like that…"

After a pause, he replied: "Yeah. I just…he can see you and I can't, and I don't trust him very much…"

"You don't have to worry! I don't even know if I'll see him again…Listen, it's getting late and I'd better go…by the way, have you had Steve check on the car yet?"

There was a moment of silence from his part. "I guess I kinda…forgot?"

"Soda!"

"I know, I know! I'll make sure to fix it, don't worry!"

I sighed. "Alright. I'll talk to you tomorrow, or the day after that, okay?"

"Okay…good night and sweet dreams."

----------------------------------------------------

I marked another day on the calendar. Only six more days in San Francisco and then I'd be home…Who knew the old saying "Home sweet home" could be so true?

I started looking around for a novel I had been reading. I thought I had left it on my bed, but it wasn't there. "Helene, have you seen my book?"

"Which one?"

"The one I've been reading for the past few days…"

"You're always reading something, be more specific!"

"Fine! It's _Big Sur!" _I exclaimed.

"The one by Kerouac?" Helene sounded surprised. "I thought that kind of writing wasn't really your cup of tea…"

"Well…Seth recommended it to me because he likes it very much…" I slowly said.

"Seth?" Helene lost all interest in the article she was checking for the Daily Californian and eyed me incredulously: "When did you see him again? You could have called me and introduced me to him!"

"Wouldn't that be a little strange if I randomly called you?"

"Well…no, if you did it properly!"

"Whatever, go back to your article. I wonder where the damn book is!"

"Maybe you left it at the Californian's office." She suggested. "Where did you meet Seth?"

"I was getting some coffee and he was standing in the same line."

"Oh." She nodded and finally went back to work. She didn't look like she couldn't focus, though. "Hey, do you wanna go out and eat some pizza?" she asked me.

"Not really. My stomach's killing me at the moment, I don't feel like eating anything." I replied. It was true: I felt like I could throw up at any moment.

"You caught some virus?"

"I have no idea."

Eventually, Helene and I ended up having a walk while she ate some burger. We stopped for a while to talk with some co-workers of us at the Californian, then we sat on some bench in the nearest park.

"So…it's almost over…" Helene softly muttered. "You know, I don't want to leave. I like it here."

"I know what you mean…This is a great place…but it's no home." I whispered. "I love Tulsa. I wouldn't want to live in any other city… 'cause there's simply too many memories back there."

"Yeah, and you have Soda. But I have no one…except my parents, who are glad I'm here doing something for a living."

"You've got friends, too! You've got me and Joan…and plenty of guys lusting after you!" I added, laughing.

"That's not funny!"

"Yes, it is!" I insisted. "Anyway…I'm kind of scared, you know, about going back home and looking for a job."

"I am, too. I still don't feel like college's over."

"I know…this feels like that one song by the Doors…_The End_."

"Right. _This is the end, beautiful friend_…" Helene sang.

We just sat on that bench, chatting about everything that came to mind, and enjoying the cool breeze. Helene was a close friend of mine, probably the closest friend I'd had after Sophie left to wander in California, and I'd miss those days spent with her.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Have a nice trip back home!"

"I will! You should come back to Tulsa, too."

"No way, I'm in love with San Fran, now." Seth replied, smiling. "I won't come back before I'm a qualified doctor!"

"Good luck with your studies then!" I smiled back and hugged him, a bit awkwardly. Then I turned to Helene: "Shoot, I'm gonna miss you so much!" I exclaimed.

"I'm gonna miss you too! I still can't believe the Daily Californian accepted my request of working for them for the rest of the summer!" she replied. "When I come back to Tulsa, you'll be the first person I drop by to see!"

"You better!"

We hugged and then I looked at the train. "I'd better…" I couldn't finish my sentence because I felt a warm tear slide down my cheek. "Great, you've made me cry!" I shouted, trying to regain my composure.

"You're such a baby!" Seth teased me. It sounded weird having him say that.

"Well, you take care of Helene, here. I wouldn't want her to get lost and God knows how many times that's happened!" I replied.

"That's not true!" Helene retorted.

"Whatever you say…look, I have to go…take care, the both of you!"

I sat in an empty compartment and waved at Helene and Seth as they stood outside, waiting for the train to leave the station. Seth had been nice enough to come and say goodbye to me when he had found out I was leaving and the three of us had spent the morning together, before I'd had to reach the station. Helene had looked pretty radiant of getting to talk, and know a bit, Seth. He had been his usual charming self, not to impress her, or me, just because he had really changed.

As the train approached Tulsa, several hours later, I started to feel thrilled. Soda didn't know I was coming home that day, I wanted to surprise him…but in the end, when I got home, I was the surprised one.

"Sybil! I didn't know you were coming home today!" Ponyboy got up from the couch and hugged me.

"Hey, Pony! I missed you!" I hugged him back.

"You look tanned!"

"Yeah, well…San Francisco's sun can do miracles!" I joked. I had always had very fair skin. "Where's Soda? Don't tell me he's still at work! It's almost eight in the evening…"

"Actually…" Ponyboy's smile faded quickly. "You don't have to worry, it's nothing serious…"

"What?" I _was_ worrying, after hearing those words.

"You know the car wasn't working properly…Soda kind of…had a small accident, but he's fine!"

"When did it happen? How is he? Why didn't you phone to let me know?" I was growing sicker and sicker by the minute.

"It only happened this morning, I didn't phone cause Soda didn't want you to worry, since we thought you'd be coming home in a couple of days and well…they said this night they were keeping him in the hospital just to check on him, since he has a minor concussion, but he's really fine." Ponyboy spoke quickly.

I don't know how I managed to stay calm as Ponyboy drove us to the hospital. When I entered the room where Soda was, I almost started crying…I was overjoyed because I was finally seeing him again and I was anxious about his condition. "Soda!"

"Sybil? What-"

"You're so stupid! How many times did I tell you to check the car? Why didn't you listen?" I cried. Sodapop looked fine, apart from a couple of bruises on his face and arms.

"I'm okay! I don't even know why they wanted me to stay! Look, when did you arrive?" he replied, trying to get out of bed.

"Stay right where you are! I got home half an hour ago and…I certainly didn't think I'd find you here!"

"Calm down, Sybil! I told you I'm fine!"

Ponyboy had decided he'd leave us alone and left the room. I was still mad, but Sodapop managed to make me relax and he started asking me questions about San Francisco and my job. "I'm glad you're home…" he finally said. "I thought I wouldn't see you for another three days."

"I was supposed to come back in three days, but…I changed my mind." I smiled, taking his hand.

"And why is that? Missing me that much, were you?" he grinned. I loved his smile and I kissed him lightly, before answering: "Not just because of that…"

"What else?"

"I wanted to tell you…I'm pregnant."


	8. July

This chapter's shorter than the others but I hope you'll like it anyway!

I don't own The Outsiders.

**8 - July**

Sodapop didn't believe me at first when, the day I'd come home, three weeks before, I told him I was expecting a baby.

He thought I was kidding (God only knows why) but when he realized I was serious, his mood changed quickly and his happiness was almost tangible; he had started asking questions and barely giving me the time to answer.

"When are you due?"

"I expect sometime in February…"

"Are you positive you are pregnant?"

"Pretty sure!"

"How do you feel? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine!"

"You should have a check up with a doctor immediately!"

Since that day, the day I shared the news with Soda, I had started feeling different. I couldn't believe we were going to have a baby, but I hoped he or she would be as much similar to Sodapop as possible, both looks and personality wise. We hadn't told Ponyboy or anyone else yet, we'd agreed we'd wait till I was a bit further along.

Darry had also come back from Louisiana for a couple of weeks: he wouldn't stay all summer because he had found a pretty good job in Shreveport, where he attended the Centenary College of Louisiana, but it was cool having him home. I loved seeing Ponyboy, Sodapop and Darrel interact. You could definitely tell they were brothers and see the love they shared for one another.

"Who wants to come to the mall with me tomorrow?" I asked, as Darry and I were doing the dishes after dinner.

"I'll come…if Lauren doesn't call me in the morning and asks me to go somewhere with her." Ponyboy said.

"Who's Lauren?" Darry asked, turning to look at his little brother suspiciously, in a father-like manner.

"My girlfriend."

"Since when?"

"Since December."

"How come no one told me?"

"No offense, Darry, but it ain't something that concerns you…I mean, you don't live in Tulsa anymore." Ponyboy replied.

"Just till next year. And I can still care about my brothers, can't I?"

Sodapop sensed the tension between the two and intervened: "Hey, Darry, what about you? Found any special girl?"

Darry was silent. We all stared at him but he just kept cleaning the dishes like no one had said anything. Sodapop came closer and elbowed him: "So? You gonna answer before my hair turns gray?"

None of us couldn't help but laugh, even Darry. "I'm seeing this girl…but I don't know how serious the thing is, really."

"How long have you been seeing her?"

"Since January."

"That's almost seven months! How can you say it's not serious?" Ponyboy exclaimed, looking shocked. Maybe he never considered the idea of his older brother actually having a girlfriend.

Darry mumbled something I didn't understand and, despite all of his siblings' curious questions, he only told us the girl's name was Diane and that she was from Shreveport. She was two years younger than him.

"That's tuff! You should convince her to move to Tulsa, after you've married!" Ponyboy said.

"Don't you fantasize too much, Pony. I never said anything about even considering marriage."

"Well, I thought…"

"You should think about it, Darry! You're twenty-six, isn't that the perfect age to elope?" Soda said cheerfully.

Darry raised one eyebrow skeptically. "Who says that?"

"Me!" Soda smiled proudly.

"That must be true, then, little buddy." Darry grinned.

"I'd like to see this girl, she must be somethin' special…" Sodapop paused. "…if she can stand you for so many months!"

Darry punched him playfully.

"I gotta go…" I announced, glancing at the clock. "I promised I'd babysit Julie so that Steve and Evie could go out together for a couple of hours."

"Aww, you leavin' me alone with those two?" Soda whined.

"Not just with them, I think Two-Bit will come over. I bumped into him today and he told me so." I laughed at Soda's distressed look.

"Don't make that face! I'll bring some ice-cream if I come back early. What flavor would you guys like?"

"Chocolate!" They answered unanimously. I knew they'd say that.

When I rang the doorbell at the Randles' house, Evie showed up first, looking mad. "Hi, Sybil…come in."

"Is everything alright?" I quietly asked as I followed her upstairs. Evie was dressed up and wearing make up, ready to go out, but it seemed she wasn't in a good mood.

"Not really…Steve and I got into a fight not too long ago."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No, we're going out whether he likes it or not! He never takes me anywhere…" she scoffed.

I didn't reply because I didn't know what to say. We entered Julie's room. "Hey, Julie! I haven't seen you in a while!"

"Hi!" she looked genuinely happy to see me. "You gonna stay?"

"Yeah. We can play for a while, it's not your bedtime yet, right, Evie?"

Evie smiled gratefully at me. "Right. Here's Steve…" Steve had just entered the bedroom to say a quick hello before they left.

"So, Julie…what do you wanna do?" I asked. "You can draw, or I can read you a story, or…"

"Can I watch TV? There's a new cartoon I like!"

Julie sat on the sofa and I went to the kitchen to get her a glass of milk. I hoped everything was okay between Steve and Evie. Soon I quit worrying about them, though, because I got one of the biggest scares of my life.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm back!" I yelled, quite unnecessarily, in fact, since the slamming of the front door had already alerted anyone in the house.

"Finally!" Sodapop reached me. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Did you know Steve got Julie a dog?"

"Nope." He shook his head. "Why?"

"Cause the dog scared the hell out of me! After I put Julie to bed, I heard some strange noises coming from downstairs, and it turns out the dog wanted to come inside…I thought it was a thief or something." I explained.

"A thief? In our neighborhood?" Soda laughed.

"It's not funny, I was really scared!" I said, walking away from him.

"Hey…hey, Sybil…" Soda put his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry. Don't be mad, I can't stand it when you're upset at me."

"Don't make that puppy face." I tried to sound annoyed, but Soda's eyes were already making me melt. "You're such a…"

"What?" He gently tucked my hair behind my ear and stroked my cheek.

"…a charmer." I sighed. "Let's call Ponyboy and Darrel, so we can eat the ice-cream together."

Soda grinned, proud of his act.

As we were eating ice-cream sitting at the kitchen table, Sodapop kept giving me weird looks. Then he whispered in my ear: "I can't stand it anymore, d'you mind if I tell them? Since you left to look after Julie, I've been tempted to 'fess up."

"What?" I frowned. "Now?"

Pony and Darry were staring at us curiously.

"Please?" Soda insisted.

"Fine, you tell them." I agreed.

Soda grinned crazily and got up: "Pony, Darry, we have somethin' to tell you."

"Something good, I hope." Pony replied.

His brother ignored him and kept on talking. "We're having a baby!"

Suddenly, the quietness of the house was but a memory. The three of them were making such a racket I thought the neighbors would show up to protest. Before I knew it, Darry and Pony were both hugging me tight. "Guys? I can't breathe…" I muttered.

"Sorry! We're just happy to hear the news. Darry, we're gonna be uncles! When are you going to-"

Soda interrupted him: "In February, we ain't sure about the date. And you're the first to know, so don't tell anyone…"

"We actually wanted to keep it a secret for a while but he couldn't resist." I pointed out.

"Too excited! If your brother was here, you'd wanna tell him, too!" Sodapop exclaimed.

About half an hour later, everyone was going to sleep. As Soda turned the light off in our bedroom and I snuggled close to him, I wondered if I should tell him about Steve and Evie fighting and ask for his opinion, but I suddenly felt too tired to do anything.


	9. Summer's almost gone

Hi everyone! The title of this chapter comes from yet another song by The Doors. Such a great band! Check them out if you've never heard their music!

And I don't own The Outsiders.

**9 – Summer's almost gone**

"I'm sittin' in the railway station…got a ticket for my destination…" I sang along to Simon and Garfunkel's song _Homeward Bound _as I was doing some ironing.

"Not Simon and Garfunkel again!" Soda pleaded, entering the room. "You been listenin' to them all week long!"

"So?" I shrugged. "Their music is relaxing, I love it. How did you manage to rip your t-shirt once again?" I asked, eyeing the shirt I was ironing.

"Farm work." He simply said. "C'mon, let's hear something else for a change!"

"Okay. Will you change record? I want to listen to _Tambourine Man._"

Soda clearly wished he hadn't said anything since he didn't really like _The Byrds_ that much, but put on their record anyway. "Listen… I should go out for a while tonight, I need to talk to my boss and stuff, d'you mind? I'll be back before midnight." he said.

He had never gone out at night before, but I didn't think much of it and nodded. "Sure. Joan's coming over after dinner, she said she's got some news."

"Tuff enough, so you won't be alone, 'cause I think Pony's going out, too." He replied. "Did you go to the doctor's?"

"Yeah, everything's progressing just fine. I'm just two months along anyway…"

"Two months and a half." Soda corrected me, like he wanted to make sure I didn't forget.

"He said I should eat more healthy though." I added.

"What's wrong with what we eat?" Soda asked curiously.

"We barely eat any vegetables." I reminded him. "And way too much sweet stuff. But you can eat whatever you want, it's not you the one who's expecting." I ironically said. "By the way, this morning I went out to look for a job, but I didn't find anything."

"I told you there ain't no need to. It ain't like you can work for much…"

"I can't even stay at home all day long, cleaning and cooking." The sheer thought made me feel nauseous. Or maybe it was the baby.

"You know what, I think we should leave Tulsa for some days and have a nice vacation…in Florida!" he grinned.

"What?"

"You heard! I have a dozen days off work in August, we can go!" he happily said.

"But…" I didn't even know why I was trying to object. Going somewhere with Soda on vacation would be great, we didn't get to travel too much and he didn't get too much rest, either. "I'll start looking for accommodation then, if you know which days you're free."

"I'll ask Mr. Danes." Mr. Danes was his boss. "I'll cook tonight!" He cheerfully said and I watched him disappear into the kitchen. I wondered what he'd cook. Surely something that would turn out looking 'interesting'…for lack of a better word.

Later that night, Joan and I were chatting quite animatedly and eating popcorn. I was really craving popcorn at the moment.

"Remember I told you I had some big news?" Joan asked. I nodded. "Adam…"

"Yes?" I urged her.

"He proposed…we're getting married!" she exclaimed, a huge smile plastered on her face.

"That's awesome!" I hugged her. "When?"

"In September! Of course, I want you and Helene to be my bridesmaids along with my sister!"

"Sure I will!"

I thought of the day of my wedding. Sophie and another friend of mine had been my bridesmaids and my dad had walked me down the aisle…where Sodapop was standing, looking more handsome than ever…my heart was pounding so fast the whole time…

"Do you think Helene will be back in town by September or will she still be working in San Francisco?"

"I think…wait a second." The phone rang and I answered. "Hello?"

"Hello, John Bryant speaking. Can I speak with Sodapop Curtis?"

I had never heard this guy's name before. "I'm sorry, he's out…he'll be back late, do you want to leave a message for him?"

"Yeah, can you tell him he should ride tomorrow night? There's been lots of requests and we added another date."

"Ride?" I repeated uncertainly.

"Yeah, saddle bronc, as usual. He can find me at the usual number if he needs to call."

"Alright…thanks." I slowly hung up. I wasn't sure what was going on. That guy had mentioned saddle bronc, but Soda couldn't be actually riding…could he? I was suddenly feeling dizzy.

"Sybil, are you okay?" Joan asked, noticing something was wrong.

"I'm fine." I muttered. "Fine…" I repeated mechanically. I was hoping that guy had dialed the wrong number, but he knew Soda's name perfectly well. _Why did he lie to me?_

I couldn't fall asleep that night, despite getting up early in the morning.I kept glancing at the clock on the bedside table. **12.23. **Why was Soda that late?

I heard footsteps coming closer and the door opening. Soda quietly entered the room and took his clothes off, before sneaking next to me. I pretended I was asleep. I didn't feel like talking at the moment.

"Sybil? I know you're awake…"

Damn. Why had he noticed? I didn't answer.

"Sorry I'm late. You ain't mad at me?"

"No." I muttered. "John Bryant called."

Sodapop fidgeted nervously beside me. I added: "Said you should ride tomorrow night, too. Why didn't you tell me anything?"

"Cause I knew you wouldn't approve. Look, it was just every now and then while you were in San Francisco, to make some extra money… tonight should've been the last time." He explained.

"Some extra money?" I repeated. "We've not come to the point where we need money badly! And you know I don't like rodeos, not when you're the one riding! It's dangerous!"

"It ain't like I'm riding bulls, calm down-"

"Don't tell me to calm down! You should have told me, I felt awful when that Bryant phoned!"

"But we have the money to go to Florida without wasting our savings now! I did it for us!"

"Yeah, well, I prefer staying home. I don't wanna go anymore." I got out of bed. "I'm gonna sleep on the sofa!"

"No you ain't!" Soda got up and reached me.

"Yes I am!"

"If you wanna be alone, I'll go sleep on the sofa." He left the room. I lay down but couldn't fall asleep for a long time.

-------------------------------------------

I didn't sleep well at all. I woke up every now and then, looked beside me and not finding Soda I wondered why, then I remembered about our discussion and went back to sleep…or tried to. So, the following morning, when I got up at 8, I was feeling awful. Soda had already left and Ponyboy was having breakfast in the kitchen.

"Morning, Sybil. Want some scrambled eggs?"

"Yes, please…" I rubbed my temples.

"Didn't you sleep well last night?" Ponyboy asked, looking at me worriedly. "Feeling sick again?"

"A bit. Thanks." I started eating, but my stomach didn't want to collaborate and I had to stop, before rushing to the bathroom. When I came back, Pony gave me a sympathetic look. "I should go to work…" He had found a summer job. "But I can stay if you aren't feeling well."

"I'll be okay, don't worry! Will you be back for lunch?"

"Nope, but Soda said he would." He informed me.

I was hoping I wouldn't see Sodapop till later, cause I was still a bit angry. "Alright."

I tried to keep myself as busy as possible that morning. I cleaned the bedrooms and the bathroom and I went to the library to return some books Ponyboy and I had borrowed. Then, since it was almost midday, I started cooking lunch.

"I'm home!" Soda announced, not much later. When he entered the kitchen, he had already taken his shoes off and was walking barefoot, as usual. He greeted me and kissed me on the cheek. "You still mad?"

"I'm not mad." The way I spoke those words clearly contradicted my affirmation.

"Well, you won't be for long. Here." He gave me two letters. One was from my brother and I immediately tore it open. I quickly read it all before exclaiming: "Oh goodness…he says he's engaged! And getting married soon! And I don't even know the girl!"

"What? Won't he come and visit?"

"He doesn't say…" I read the letter once again, but Lewis didn't specifically say he'd stop by and visit, to introduce me to his future wife. "I can't believe it! First Joan last night, now him…"

Soda looked at me curiously. "Joan?"

"She told me Adam's proposed to her and they're getting married in September…she wants me to be one of the bridesmaids."

"Wow…so many people are getting married all of a sudden." Soda gave voice to my thoughts perfectly.

He sat down and ate, while I read Helene's letter. She didn't have any great news, she said she just felt like writing to me and she told me a little about her job at the Californian.

I put her letter on the table. "At least she's not marrying someone anytime soon." I commented. Soda had almost finished his lunch and I remembered I was supposed to be mad at him. "I'm still angry anyway."

"I already said I'm sorry. Besides, I'm sure the baby doesn't want you to get all upset over this. He'll love horses."

I looked at him sceptically. "Who says it'll be a boy?"

"Why not?" Soda shrugged. "And even if it's a girl, she'll love horses, I know it." He got up and gently rested his hand on my still flat stomach. "What? Sure. I'll tell her. Okay." He looked up at me. "Baby says mom shouldn't get mad because dad loves her too much and it ain't fair to make him feel bad."

I smiled. "Listen, I didn't want to get that mad at you, I overreacted…I don't know why…I know you love rodeos and everything, but…even your dad made you quit and I'm just worried you might end up hurting yourself."

"I know. I should've told you about it, I made a mistake. But I won't lie to you anymore and…" he sighed. "I won't go tonight. I called Bryant earlier and told him I'm out."

"That's great. Oh, wait." I pretended to listen to something and then added: "Baby's proud of us 'cause we're fighting no more." I remembered something. "Soda, have you talked with Steve lately?"

"Not much. Why?"

"Cause…I think he and Evie don't get along well lately. Last time I was at their house, looking after Julie, they had just had a fight. I hope it's nothing serious."

"You worry too much. Steve and Evie have always had fights, it's just the way they are."

"Yes, but since they have a daughter they shouldn't fight in front of her…or let her know they're mad at each other." I reasoned.

"I'll talk to Steve, okay? If he even listens to me. He's so stubborn. Now…" he paused. "Ain't you having lunch?"

"I'm not hungry. Whatever I eat, I'm gonna throw up, anyway." I sighed.

"Poor baby. Come here!" Soda embraced me. That made me feel better. Before knowing Soda, I'd never thought another person could make me feel so vulnerable and so strong at the same time.

--------------------------------------

By the end of August, I wasn't feeling sick anymore and I was very grateful for that and I guess Soda and Pony were too, because my mood also improved greatly. Soda and I spent one week in Florida, which was very relaxing…for the most part. Some girls on the beach walked by Soda and I's spot lots of times during the day, to take a good look at him, probably. If he went to get something to drink it'd take ages to him to come back, because some girl would always start chatting with him. I thought they had to be really dense if they didn't notice the ring on his finger, or maybe they just didn't care. There were hippies on the beach, too.

Back in Tulsa, Joan was driving everyone crazy because the day of her wedding was approaching fast. She was very nervous. I couldn't recall being that nervous, but my wedding had been much smaller than hers.

My brother had also phoned to tell me he'd come by in September. He hadn't told me much about his fiancée.

"Maybe he's just anxious 'cause he wants you to like her." Soda suggested.

"Lewis? Anxious? No way! I think he's acting egotistical as usual."

When my brother finally arrived in town, he showed up alone. As we were sitting at the kitchen table with Sodapop, I started asking him about his girlfriend. "What?" he had a confused look on his face. "What girlfriend?"

"The one you proposed to!" I reminded him.

"Oh, you mean Jennifer…I never proposed to her."

"Lewis, you're confusing me…you wrote me a letter saying you were engaged!" I exclaimed.

"We were! But we broke it off…the engagement. I never proposed, she wanted me to marry her and I accepted, but then…it just wasn't meant to be, we broke up a couple of weeks ago."

"You don't look sad at all." I noticed.

"That's cause she was driving me crazy. I don't even know why I agreed to marry her, but I'm glad I'm free now. I don't guess I'll settle down that easily." He said.

My brother was insane. I decided I'd better tell him about the baby, since he didn't know yet, and he reacted like I thought he would: he congratulated Sodapop and I and asked when I was due. He looked happy for us, but he also looked lonely and I wondered why he couldn't stay in a relationship for more than two months in a row.


	10. Joan's wedding

Hello everyone! I'm not sure how I did with this chapter, I hope you all enjoy reading it!

Disclaimer: I don't own _The Outsiders._

**10 – Joan's wedding**

The only appropriate word to describe Joan's wedding is "fabulous".

The church her family had booked was the largest one in Tulsa and the reception was huge as well. I don't know how many people were invited, but it had to be a least two hundred, counting both Joan's and Adam's guests. Everything was perfect, but she was freaking out just half an hour before walking down the aisle accompanied by her father: she criticized her dress, her appearance and everything else about her which was supposedly wrong.

"You're gorgeous!" Helene insisted.

"Yeah, Adam won't believe his luck!" Joan's sister, Heather, remarked. Helene, Heather and I were the bridesmaids, and thanks to Mrs. Hawkins, who managed to quieten her daughter, it wasn't long before we left the room and the ceremony finally took place. By the end, when Joan and Adam pronounced their vows, I was a bit teary-eyed. I glanced at Soda, who was sitting in one of the first rows, and he smiled at me. I wondered if he was thinking about our wedding day and if he felt a bit nostalgic, like me.

I looked at Helene, who was on the verge of tears, too, and I smiled at her. She had only been in Tulsa for a couple of days and we still hadn't had the chance to get together and talk. She was really beautiful, in her pale yellow bridesmaid dress, who suited her. I was wearing the same dress, but it didn't look that good on me, and besides I had gained a little weight, even if I was not showing yet. I had told Joan the previous month, but Helene didn't know.

"May I have this dance?"

I looked up, into Sodapop's laughing eyes, and took his hand: "Sure."

The orchestra had just started playing (by the way they sounded, they were probably one of the best and most expensive band in Tulsa) and not many couples were dancing yet. Soda and I were one of the first. "You said you wouldn't cry." He teased me.

"I didn't."

"You did, a little, when they said their vows. I noticed, even if you blinked the tears away." Soda grinned.

"Blame it on the baby, who makes me feel this way. I normally wouldn't weep…" I insisted.

Sodapop raised one eyebrow at me. "I don't believe it for a second."

"Anyway…" I cleared my throat. "I feel…out of place here. It's so impressive…"

"I know. I can't wait to go home and take my shoes off. And the tie."

I laughed. "Thanks, I feel better now. Look, aren't they adorable together?" I nodded towards Joan and Adam who were dancing, too.

"I forgot!" Soda's face lit up. "While you were at the library yesterday…"

I had found a job at the local library. I couldn't believe my luck, since when I had talked to the employers I had told them I couldn't work for more than five months because I was pregnant…but they said it was fine. "Yes?"

"I talked some with Steve. He said he and Evie are trying to work out their problems and that hopefully they won't fight anymore, at least not in front of Julie."

"I hope so, but how can he be so sure? I mean, when you fight…it just happens…"

"That's why he said _hopefully_. Do you want something to drink? Then we'll go back to dancing." He grinned.

As we were making our way through the crowd, Soda suddenly stopped and muttered something I couldn't hear. Then he reached a guy who was sitting at one of the many tables. "Josh! Man, I didn't think I'd meet you here!"

The guy called Josh looked up and exclaimed: "Sodapop, is that you?"

Soda nodded. "Yeah. It's great to see you, man!"

He looked real excited. But he seemed to realize something and stopped smiling: "You…when did it happen?"

I was standing close to them by now but I didn't understand what he meant. Josh softly spoke: "Not long after you were sent back. It ain't that bad now I've gotten used to it."

I finally understood what was going on. Josh couldn't see anymore. His eyes were still, but it was obvious he wasn't focusing his sight on anything.

Soda hesitated, afraid of saying the wrong thing. Luckily, Josh spoke first: "I'm a friend of Adam's. What about you?"

"My wife's friends with Joan."

"Is your wife the one you always talked about in 'Nam?"

"Yeah, that's her. Sybil, this is Josh Becker, a friend…Josh, my wife, Sybil."

Josh offered me his hand and I gently shook it. "Nice to meet you, Josh."

"Same here. You have a lovely voice."

"Thank you…" I didn't really know what to say. "Soda, I'll go get something to drink, so you can chat, okay?"

He nodded and I left the two of them alone. I was feeling scared and I didn't know why. _Yes you do. You know it could have been Soda. You know something even worse could have happened to him. _

Josh Becker looked like a nice guy: a couple years older than Soda maybe…when I came back, I stared at him: his green eyes were beautiful. _It's so unfair…_

"So you're in town only for the wedding?" Soda was asking Josh.

"Yeah, then I'm going back to Oklahoma City. Got a job there. Hey, how's Two-Bit?"

"He's doing great, you know him! You heard anything from the others, since we all got back?"

"Not much. I know Tom made it back alright…"

I was feeling like an intruder listening to them, so when Helene approached me I was grateful. "Beautiful wedding, isn't it?"

"Yeah, everything's stunning." I agreed. "Helene, we still haven't talked since you got back. How are you doing in San Francisco?"

"I'm okay, even though working at the Californian can be pretty demanding."

"When I left, did Seth introduce you to some of his friends?" I asked.

"To a couple, yes." She bit her lip. "Actually…we're…we were…going out…" she slowly said.

"You and Seth? Going out?" I almost yelled. "Really? Well, that's great!"

"No. We were…we aren't anymore." She whispered.

"Why?"

"I'm not sure. Probably because we're both too busy."

"What kind of reason is that?" I asked, in disbelief. "If it's Seth's fault, I understand, you don't have to protect him-"

"No, it's not his fault. But on the bright side…when we parted just before I came back to Tulsa last week…he said he didn't want it to end and if I was willing to go back with him once I return to California…he'd be happy."

I had never understood Seth. "Are you willing then?"

"I don't know. I have to think about it. I'm going back next week…and I do like him a lot, Sybil…" she firmly said.

"Don't be sad. I'm sure things will work out." I smiled and hugged her. "I do think you're too smart for him, though!"

She laughed. "Time will tell."

-------------------------------------------------

I was walking through the woods. I didn't know where I was, but I was feeling at ease, like I was in some kind of secluded environment.

I kept walking for a while, looking around. The hot climate was starting to get more tolerable because the sun was slowly setting. It was quiet, so quiet the silence was starting to bug me. Then I heard a terrible explosion which almost made me fall down.

I started running toward the direction where the blast had come from. Lying on the mud, bleeding heavily, was a boy who looked no older than twenty. He was a soldier. I couldn't see his face clearly, because he was covered in mud and dirt. He was obviously suffering a lot.

I reached him and knelt down, letting a cry escape my mouth when I recognized him: "Sodapop!"

He was losing a lot of blood. He smiled weakly. "Sybil…"

"Don't worry, I'll help you!" I assured him, trying to not panic. I cleaned his face with a tissue while I frantically looked around, but there wasn't anyone who could lend a hand. And Sodapop looked so pale, paler by the minute. I should have gone to get help, but I didn't want to leave him there on his own.

I tried to stop the bleeding but I didn't know how to. I had never been that scared, I wasn't even able to think. "Don't worry…you're gonna be okay!" I repeated.

"It's too late." He whispered. "It's fine…I ain't feeling much pain now…I guess it's almost over…"

"Don't talk like that! I told you everything'll be alright!" I almost yelled. I was desperate, I didn't know what to do.

"It's fine." He said, resignedly. "Just remember I love you. Don't forget me…" he took a deep breath, before closing his eyes and going to sleep. Forever.

I started shaking him. "Soda…come on, Soda, wake up! If you just stay awake some more, someone will come to the rescue…Soda!"

I was crying by now. Soda lay there in my arms, lifeless, and I hadn't been able to help him, to save him. My vision was all blurry because of the tears…

Someone was shaking me. I opened my eyes and saw Sodapop's face. He looked fine, he wasn't bleeding or hurt or anything of the sort. I immediately hugged him and held him tight. "Thank God you're okay…" I whispered.

"Of course I am…" he replied, holding me. "You had a nightmare?"

We parted and I noticed I had really been crying in my sleep. He wiped my tears away, as I answered: "Yeah…a horrible nightmare…"

I stared at him. I knew it was just a dream, but it had been so vivid… I couldn't stop crying.

"Don't cry, Sybil…it's alright…" Soda tried to comfort me, but I simply couldn't erase that scene from my mind and I bawled like a baby, while I recalled the dream outloud. "It was terrible, you had been wounded, I think it was…I think it was in Vietnam cause you were wearing your uniform and…and the landscape wasn't from round here…and I tried to stop the bleeding but it wouldn't…it wouldn't…I wasn't able to…and…then you…" I couldn't bring myself to say it.

Soda forced me to look at him and firmly said: "I'm here and I'm safe, I ain't going nowhere. I ain't leavin' you."

I nodded. "Yes…I know…"

"D'you want something to drink?"

"No…what time is it?"

Soda glanced at the clock. "It's 6.40. We might as well get up now."

"No, let's stay here." I lay down and when Soda did, I rested my head on his chest. "I think it's because of…because we saw your friend today and I just thought…" I didn't finish the sentence.

"I know. Josh…I almost didn't know what to say to him today." He stayed silent for a while, then added: "I'm lucky."

"_We _are lucky."

-----------------------------------------------------------

"I'm not sure I want to know!"

"What? Yesterday you were going crazy, you said you couldn't wait to find out!"

"I know, but…what if…" I hesitated.

"What if what? You're only nervous, come on!"

Soda and I were in our car and he was urging me to get off and enter the doctor's studio with him. We would find out if we were having a boy or a girl that day, and I was constantly changing my mind about knowing it or not. "I…I guess you're right. Let's go."

Not much later, I was anxiously staring at my gynecologist, Mr. Carson. He had been my mother's doctor and he was actually the one who had delivered me and my brother. He was in his late fifties now. "Mr. Carson?"

"Okay…are you ready?" he teased. He had always had a good sense of humor and even now he didn't seem like a fifty something year old guy.

"Yeah!" Sodapop answered for both of us.

The doctor smiled and told us.

"I knew it, I knew it!" I excitedly said.

"What? You never told me!" Soda exclaimed.

"I just had the feeling, but you wouldn't believe me if I told you so!" I replied.

After Mr. Carson finished my check up, Soda and I left in the least quiet way possible. Well, he was the one causing an uproar, not me.

"I wanna tell Pony as soon as we go home! And Darry, we should phone him, and Steve, Two-Bit…"

"I wanna tell people too! Lewis, and Joan and Helene…"

When we arrived home Ponyboy was in the living room with Julie. Steve had probably asked him to look after her for a while.

Pony got up as soon as he saw us enter the room: "So?"

"It's…" I began, but Sodapop interrupted me: "Wait! I tell him!" he excitedly said.

"Alright, go ahead!" I nodded. He was acting all hyper, like he had eaten a cake all on his own.

"So, what is it?" Julie piped up.

I smiled, as Soda finally pronounced the words: "It's a boy!"


	11. Baby names and omelettes

I'm sorry I didn't update earlier, but I haven't really had time to do so because of my exams (believe it or not… here in Italy we have exams until early July and it sucks)! I also haven't felt really inspired but I hope you like this chapter anyway… thanks for sticking around!

**11 – Baby names and omelettes**

"Sodapop? Will you make me an omelette? Please?"

"You never liked my omelettes before!"

"You should be happy someone wants to eat your food, Soda!" Ponyboy piped up, laughing.

Soda threw a pillow at him. "I thought you were going to the movies with Lauren tonight."

Ponyboy looked caught off guard for a second. "Right…yeah, I better go."

He left while Soda hollered: "Don't come home too late!" Then he turned to look at me: "So, now that we're alone…"

I interrupted him: "An omelette? Please?"

"Alright!" Soda got up and reluctantly headed for the kitchen. "Did you notice anything wrong with Pony lately?" he asked when he came back to the living room with my omelette.

"What do you mean?" I replied.

"I ain't sure, but since last week he's been acting a bit different. Like something's troubling him but he's trying to ignore it…"

"Did you talk to him?"

"Not yet. Maybe if he doesn't come home too late we'll chat later. So, how d'you like it?"

"It's delicious! What did you put in here?"

"Believe me…you don't wanna know." Soda grinned. He then started talking to the baby. He did that a lot and when I was alone I did it too. It made me feel really relaxed. "By the way, Soda, we should really start thinking seriously about names. I'm kind of tired of calling our baby _the baby_, you know?"

"We still have two months to choose the name. I'm sure if we choose the name now, we'll end up changing our mind a million times before February."

"Still…I think-"

I stopped talking because I heard the front door slamming. Soda frowned and went to see what was going on.

"Pony, what's wrong?" I heard him say. "You only went out half an hour ago…"

I couldn't hear Ponyboy's voice. He was probably talking very quietly. Soda then started soothing him and told him to come sit down in the living room, but obviously Pony didn't want to, because Soda came back alone, informing me his brother had gone in his room.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"Looks like he and Lauren broke up."

I nodded. "I see. He must be feeling awful."

"Well, I don't know. I think he was the one who decided to break up with her, he must've been thinking about it for a while. I guess that's why he was so upset this past week." Soda explained, sitting next to me.

"Maybe…" I agreed.

"You don't look surprised."

"That's because…I always thought Ponyboy and Lauren would eventually break up. I mean, I wasn't wishing for it, of course, but… I always had the feeling Lauren wasn't right for Pony. Besides, he's young, he's got plenty of times to find the right person."

Soda looked at me, taken aback. "I guess…you may be right. Pony must feel awful now…d'you mind if me and him go out tomorrow? Just so I can cheer him up a bit."

"Sure, that's a good idea." I approved. "I hope he doesn't feel too bad about leaving Lauren."

"You know what he's like, it'll take him some time to feel better."

After talking about Ponyboy for a while, I changed subject: "About the names for the baby…you don't like the name **Holden**, do you?"

Sodapop stared at me disbelievingly: "Have you re-read _The Catcher in the Rye _once again?"

"Yeah, so what? Holden Patrick Curtis has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" I said.

"Why Patrick?"

"I thought the middle name of the baby should be yours. Holden Patrick Curtis is a nice name." I insisted.

"You perfectly know I think Holden is a ridiculous name."

"It's original! No one else will share our baby's name…"

"That's for sure." He remarked jokingly.

"Okay, let's drop it. I'm tired and I'm going to bed." I got up and kissed him. "Night."

"Night."

-------------------------------------------------

"You sure have a great house, Joan…"

"Yes, it's very nice!"

"Thank you! Adam and I almost drove ourselves crazy when we had to decide where to place the different pieces of furniture, we couldn't agree on anything, but you know how it goes…you've been married way longer than me!" she replied.

I looked at Soda and he looked at me. We were sitting on a very comfortable sofa in Joan and Adam's living room, waiting for him to get back from work so we'd have dinner together. Joan had invited us a couple of days before.

"I guess…" Truth was, Sodapop and I hadn't fully furnished our house until a few months into the marriage. And even that, we agreed pretty much on everything. "Did you hear anything from Helene? I thought she'd come to Tulsa for Thanksgiving, but she didn't…"

"I know, I thought the same. She has to come back for Christmas anyway or I'll be very mad at her! Not to mention, her parents will be upset, too." Joan said. "Adam and I wanted to throw a little party to celebrate Christmas with our friends…if we do, you'll come?"

"Sure. I mean…Ponyboy can come too, right?" I asked her. Since Pony had broken up with Lauren, he had been feeling miserable.

"Of course he can." Joan smiled. "Look, it must be Adam!" she exclaimed when the doorbell rang and she got up to answer.

"Why do they lock the door?" Soda whispered.

"I don't know. Probably cause they've got a damn beautiful house." I replied. "Joan's so much in love with Adam, she can't stop mentioning him for a second!" I smiled.

"I noticed!"

Adam then entered the room and grinned. "Hi, Sybil, Sodapop! How are you doing?"

I smiled back at him. He was a nice looking guy: he had curly dark brown hair and warm brown eyes. When he smiled, he showed two dimples, one on each cheek, and he was a very outgoing kind of person, almost never serious. That's probably why he and Soda got along so well.

"Adam, go get changed so we'll have dinner!" Joan urged him.

"Alright!" he sighed. "Be back in a minute!"

Not much later we ate dinner and when we finished I helped Joan with the dishes, while Sodapop and Adam chatted in the living room.

Joan and I talked about unimportant stuff, until she gave vent to her feelings about her parents: "My dad's fine most of the time, but my mom is a whole different story. She never leaves me alone, she thinks I don't know how to do anything! Once, when she and dad had lunch here, she told me I shouldn't do this and I shouldn't do that, and…really, I'm glad at least she doesn't criticize Adam, cause if she did, I'd lose my temper!"

"What does Adam say about her?"

"He's okay with her. He likes my parents and I never understood why."

"Probably because they love him as well." I suggested.

"You're right. Sometimes I really wish they didn't live close to us, though!"

"You do?" I quietly said. I was actually a bit jealous of Joan and Helene and everyone else who still had parents.

"Yeah, I…" she seemed to realize something. "Sorry, Sybil, I didn't mean to upset you!"

"That's fine. Sometimes I just miss my parents so much…especially now that I'm going to have a child."

"Your parents would be proud of you if they could see you now." She assured me.

"Thanks…"

"So…you found a name for the baby yet?"

"No. I want a unique name, but not ridiculous…"

"If Adam and I's first child is a boy…when we have one, I mean…I'd like to name him after Adam…Adam Samuel Cameron Jr.!"

"I'm happy things between you and Adam are going so well…" I thought of Helene and Seth. I wondered if they were back together.

Soon we were reached by our husbands who had grown tired of waiting for us in the living room. "Does anyone want some coffee?" Adam asked, eyeing Soda and me.

"No, thank you. I'd love some, but I can't…" I said.

"Right…I kinda forgot…" Adam showed his goofy grin once again. He and Joan reminded me so much of Soda and I when we first got married.

-----------------------------------------------

The rest of December went by soon and the New Year began. I was eight months along and I was starting to get impatient and long for the day I'd give birth to Soda and I's baby.

"I'm home!" Sodapop exclaimed, slamming the front door behind him. "Hey, Juliet!" He kissed me. "Had a good day?"

"No. I'm tired. What about you?"

"I'm great! And guess what?"

"What?"

"This policewoman made me pull over the car while I was coming back home and she wanted to give me tickets for speeding, but I was able to convince her otherwise." He quickly said.

"I suppose you flirted with her."

"A bit." He admitted.

"How old did she look?"

"She looked like she was in her late 30's."

"I can't believe a woman that age would lust after a 24-year-old." I shook my head. "What's wrong with people these days?"

"I don't know. I'm just happy she changed her mind about the tickets." Soda grinned.

"Alright." I shushed him. "I was watching the news on TV."

"So? What did they say?"

"The President announced the suspension of offensive action in North Vietnam…and said peace negotiations are progressing well." I informed him.

Soda stared at the screen of the TV with a blank look on his face. They weren't talking about the Vietnam War anymore, but he seemed entranced by what they were showing on screen. I understood he wasn't really seeing what was in front of him though: he was remembering, and re-living, once again, those days.

I put my hand on his shoulder. "Soda…"

"Yeah, I know." He stood up and seemed to go back to his normal self. "How would you like pizza for dinner?"

"I'd love it, but-"

"I'm sure Pony's fine with it, too, so I'll go get some now. Be back soon."

He quickly left. I hoped he was fine, I hated seeing him reminiscing about the past. That very moment I felt the baby kicking. He usually was pretty quiet, so it surprised me… "I hope Soda and I get to choose your name before you're born." I told him. Who knew finding the right name could be that difficult?


	12. February 8th

I'm finally updating again! I hope you like this chapter…time to find out about the baby's name! Personally I love it, but I know I'm biased…anyway, enjoy chapter 12!

**12 – February 8th**

"Evie, look at these baby shoes! Aren't they adorable? Damnit, they're way too expensive! Why does everything cost so much?"

"Sybil, you do realize you've been gushing all afternoon-"

"Look! This cardigan is so precious!"

Evie sighed. "I'm kinda tired."

"What? You can't be! We've only been here at the mall for a couple of hours!"

"Exactly! I'm surprised you ain't tired…I thought you could be giving birth anytime now?"

"I'm due next week and yes, I'm tired, but I can't get enough of these clothes!"

Evie smiled. "I'd've liked to share your enthusiasm when I was expecting Julie. Back then, I was…mad at Steve for knocking me up, I think."

I wasn't sure I understood what she meant. "But you two got married…he didn't leave you on your own to look after the baby…"

"It's the least he could've done." Evie retorted.

I didn't reply. She sounded bitter. "I guess we can leave now…" I suggested quietly.

"You sure? You don't wanna buy anything else?"

"I think I bought enough baby clothes. I'd better go home and tidy the house…or try to, at least."

"Okay, let's go."

Evie dropped me off and as soon as I entered the living room, I sat on the sofa. I was suddenly feeling tired. I started going through the bags, looking at the things I had bought for the baby, until I felt very sleepy and decided I'd lay down for a while.

"Sybil? You alright?"

Sodapop gently shook me till I awoke. "Hey…what time is it?" I mumbled groggily.

"It's 7. I just got home…I've woken you 'cause Pony says when he came home at 5 you were sleeping, and two hours have gone by, so… I was worried something was wrong."

"7 already?" I slowly got up, yawning. "I didn't mean to sleep this much."

"Take all the sleep you can get, I bet in the next months we won't get any."

"You're so pessimistic. The baby could be a real angel, you know? Just like me when I was young." I joked.

"I really hope he takes after you, because I, on the other hand, was never quiet…and I probably didn't let my parents sleep much, either."

The following couple of days went by slowly. I was constantly feeling tired and I started thinking life in the past centuries for women had to suck, if they were constantly pregnant.

Unlike many women, though, I didn't wake up in the middle of the night to rush to the hospital. Soda and I went there in the early afternoon and only many hours later, at 10.14 to be exact, on February 8th, our baby was born. He was so beautiful: he had blond hair and blue eyes (although most babies have blue eyes when they come to life) and he bore a close resemblance to Sodapop. I could see that perfectly.

When the following day Ponyboy came by to see his nephew, I was in a room with Soda, holding the baby.

Ponyboy smiled as he looked at him and asked: "So, what's his name?"

I smiled as I held him in my arms: he looked perfect. "Soda, you tell him."

Soda grinned as he stopped staring at our baby for a second to look into his brother's expectant eyes: "Jesse James. Jesse James Curtis."

"Jesse James? It's a neat name, how come I feel like I've already heard it before?"

"You probably did." I replied. "Jesse James was an outlaw, a cowboy. In the 19th century…well, he's got a kind of complicated story, but basically, we liked the name."

"Sure, the outlaw! I think I read something about him…man, Dally would've loved the name." Pony smiled fondly at the thought of his old friend. Soda smiled, too. "Yeah, he would have loved it. Hey, Pony…don't you think the baby…don't you think Jesse James looks like me?" he sounded proud while asking that, even if I could tell he didn't really need Ponyboy's confirmation. I thought Jesse James looked like him, too.

"I don't know, Soda…it's hard to tell, he's so small!"

"Just look! It's crystal clear he's the spitting image of…of me!" Soda insisted.

As Pony and Soda debated about our baby's looks, I held him and stared at him, completely satisfied. Jesse James was simply wonderful and not just because he looked like Sodapop…yes, that was part of the reason…but the truth was, he was the expression of the love Soda and I felt for one another…and he was perfect…

"Sybil, you should rest. Let me hold him!"

"I'm fine, Soda…" I let him hold Jesse James though. Soda looked so proud…and the happiest I had seen him in a long time.

I didn't even realize I was slowly dozing off. When I woke up, hours later, it was night. I found a note from Sodapop on the bedside table.

_Sybil,_

_I stayed until 10.30 but since you were sleeping so well I didn't feel like waking you up only to tell you I was going home for the night to sleep some. I'll be back tomorrow morning very early to stay with you and Jesse James, you won't have the time to miss me! _

_-Sodapop_

I glanced at the clock. It was 2 am. I thought I'd go see Jesse James. He was in a small room with other newborns and as I stared at him behind the glass, I wished I could hold him. He was so small…

Someone bumped into me. "Sorry…"

I was going to say it didn't matter, but then I realized who it was. "Josh? Josh Becker?"

"Do you know me?" he asked, a bit surprised.

"I'm Sodapop's wife…Sybil Curtis. How come you're walking around in the middle of the night…" I hesitated. I was going to say _even if you can't see_, but it didn't sound right.

"Walking around even if I'm blind, you mean?" he smiled. "Actually…I'm here in the hospital for some tests…it seems that it's possible that I can regain the use of my right eye, at least a bit."

"That's fabulous! I'm happy for you and Soda will be, too, when he finds out!"

"I hope you're both okay…"

"Yeah, I…we…couldn't be better! Soda and I just had a baby!"

"Great! Congratulations, Sybil!" he smiled, he looked way better when he did.

"Thank you! Do you need any…do you want me to lend a hand with directions?"

"That would be nice. I kinda got lost, even if I thought I'd memorized the way to my room and back."

I took one last good look at my baby before walking away with Josh. We started chatting.

"So…boy or girl?" he asked me.

"It's a boy and he looks a lot like Soda. Actually, he hasn't shut up about it for a second since he saw him…"

"Bet he's proud. What's his name?"

"Jesse James."

"Good choice. It's very manly."

"You think so? It took us ages to find the right name. I wanted to name him _Holden_ so badly, but Soda hates the name. Well…I'm sorry, I'm talking too much…"

"That's okay. I like listening."

"You said…you're going to take some tests…how long are you staying in Tulsa?"

"Not much…I got here last week and I'm leaving in two days. If everything goes well, and they find out they can fix my eyesight, I'll come back in a couple of months, I guess."

"I'll keep you in my thoughts. I hope everything goes well, and…you can come and visit Soda, you know, I'm sure he'd love to spend some time with a friend."

"Are you religious?" he suddenly asked.

"Yes…why?"

"I don't know…I guess I'm asking 'cause I'm not much of a religious person myself, not since I came back from 'Nam…and I was just thinking, maybe you could say a prayer for me, if you feel like it..."

"Sure I will…" I thought about what he had said for a minute. "You know, I usually go to church alone, or with Ponyboy, Soda's brother…I think if only Soda could have a little faith…he'd feel so much better."

"It's hard sometimes."

"I know." I whispered.

--------------------------------------------

"Soda, go get the phone before Jesse James starts crying!"

"I'm going, I'm going!"

"If they're looking for me, tell them I'm not here!"

I was holding Jesse James after I'd finished breastfeeding him. A month had gone by since his birth and things were quite hectic at home. The lack of sleep was starting to get to me and I knew several weeks, if not months, still had to go by before our baby started sleeping more allowing Soda and I to sleep, too.

"Who was that?" I whispered, when Soda reached me.

"I have no idea, they hung up as soon as I answered." He yawned. "Man, I'm so tired."

"I know, I am too."

"Hey, Jesse, what do you think about taking a nap now?" Soda asked. "Your mom and dad are exhausted."

Jesse James looked like he agreed: he fell asleep almost at once and I carefully put him down.

"See? He's listened to me! He's smart!" Soda grinned.

I shook my head. "Come on, let's hit the sack."

"I don't know if I'll be able to sleep. I'm too tired."

"That doesn't make sense, Soda."

"See? I'm so tired I can't even speak coherent sentences." He yawned once again.

We fell asleep almost at once. When Jesse James started crying, one hour and a half later, I immediately woke up. Soda didn't, though: he had to be way more tired than me, considering I hadn't been working in the last month, but he had.

While I was holding Jesse James, trying to make him stop crying, the phone rang. And when I answered, the girl on the other end said she had dialed the wrong number. "Strange calls today. What do you think, Jesse?" I sighed. "Yeah, I must be desperate if I'm to the point of asking questions to my one month old son…but they do say it helps the children's development when their parents talk to them a lot when they're newborns…"

"Sybil? Who are you talking to?" Ponyboy quietly entered the living room.

"To Jesse James. Where have you been today?" I asked, trying to sound interested. I didn't want Ponyboy to feel ignored because of the baby: even if he wasn't a kid anymore, he was important, he was like another brother for me.

"I spent the afternoon studying in the library. You want me to fix dinner?"

I smiled. "That would be great."

Ponyboy smiled, too. "By the way…there's a letter from your brother, here." He handed me the letter.

"Thanks…I didn't even check the mail today." I started reading. "He says he's coming to see Jesse James next week. Only for a couple of days cause he's extremely busy with his job…"

I didn't even know what his current job was. He never settled down for anything and I still found it surprising whenever he showed up to visit. After all, when our mother passed away dad and I hadn't seen him for two years. How much could a man change?


	13. Encounters

So here I am, updating a little earlier than usual because** you guys are amazing! **And you don't deserve to be left hanging!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.

**13 - Encounters**

"I look so bad. Just admit it."

"That's not true, you look very good with your hair like that!"

"Just stop it, Joan." I had been in a bad mood all day long. That morning, I had been to the hairdresser's to cut my hair: it went past my waist and it had been that way for years, but now I was too busy with Jesse James, the house and anything else to have the time to take care of it properly…now, my hair only reached my shoulders. Last time my hair had been that "short", I was 14.

"What's the big deal? It'll grow back. And besides, you looked too much like a hippie with your hair that long."

"You don't understand cause you've never had really long hair."

"Okay, could we stop talking about hair for a second? I need some advice about the baby's future room."

"Alright." I agreed. Joan was pregnant and she had only recently told me, since she was showing a bit. Her due date was early August.

I had made fun of her saying that she and Adam hadn't really wasted any time. "What kind of advice do you need?"

"Well, I was thinking…I want the sex of the baby to be a surprise, so furnishing his or her room will be a bit difficult…maybe painting the wall a pale yellow would be good for both?"

"I guess so."

"The clothes are a different matter, I guess I'll buy some that look good both on boys and girls and the rest of it later…"

"Right."

"Sybil, what's wrong with you? I don't think you're this annoyed just because you cut your hair."

"I'm not. It's just a series of things…I'm sleep-deprived, I haven't had time to do anything lately, the house's a mess, and…Soda and I don't even talk anymore, besides for the usual _Go get Jesse James, he's crying _and _the baby's diaper needs to be changed._"

"It's normal! Every couple goes through that."

"How do you know?" I felt bitter because when Joan's baby was born, she'd have her mother and Adam's mother to lend her a hand, not to mention she could get any babysitter she wanted.

"Because I've seen it happen with my friends, the ones who didn't go to college and got married instead. You don't have to worry, Sybil."

"I hope you're right. So…let's talk about your plans."

-----------------------------------------------

When Joan left, I realized there were no more eggs in the fridge and since I needed them for that day's dinner, I thought I'd ask Evie some, cause I didn't feel like going to the supermarket.

Julie opened the door smiling: "Hi! You're here with Jesse too!"

"Hi, Julie! Yeah…no one's home besides me so I brought Jesse James along."

"Who's that, Julie?" Evie called from the other room.

"It's Sybil and Jesse James!"

"What?" Evie reached us. "Oh…hi, Sybil…"

"Hi…I didn't mean to bother you…" I explained the reason of my visit.

"Some eggs? Sure…come in the kitchen…how many do you need?"

"Just a couple." I followed her and saw there was a girl sitting at the kitchen table. "Hi…"

"Hello…" she said quietly.

Julie had reached us and sat next to the girl, who, I thought, was really pretty. She had wavy dark blond hair that went a bit past her shoulders and she was tanned, but not too much. I suddenly felt horrible.

"Here! You need something else?"

"No, thanks, I'd better go and start fixing dinner. Pony and Soda always eat like horses!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the girl suddenly seemed uncomfortable.

The front door slammed and Steve entered the room: "Hey…oh, hi, Sandy, I didn't know you were here. I thought you'd already gotten back to Sarasota."

Sarasota was in Florida. And it hit me. This was Sodapop's ex girlfriend, the one who'd gotten pregnant with someone else's baby and left. "I should go. Bye, everyone. Thanks for these, Evie."

I hurried outside. I was almost running, and if I hadn't been holding Jesse James I probably would have.

"Sybil? What's wrong?" Ponyboy asked me when I entered the living room. "You look pale…"

"It's nothing…" I wondered if Sodapop knew Sandy was in Tulsa. I wondered if he had seen her, if he had talked to her.

"You've crushed that egg…"

I looked at the small bag with the eggs I had been carrying. I probably slammed it into something hard, because one egg was crushed indeed. "Oh well…alright, we'll eat some spaghetti for dinner."

"I was going out with some friends tonight…you sure you feel fine?"

"Yeah…don't worry, Pony. If you need to go out, you'd better get ready."

Ponyboy nodded and ran upstairs. I sat on the sofa and started breastfeeding Jesse James. I couldn't stop thinking about Sandy. She looked like a good girl and I thought maybe she had always felt awful for betraying Soda with another guy. But if she had really cared, she wouldn't have cheated on him. I didn't know what to think of her. Sodapop had never talked much about her…

"I'm home! Where's my baby?" Soda reached me and Jesse James on the sofa. "Hi, Juliet! How are my precious babies doing today?"

He looked happy. Since our child's birth, Soda had been doing way better. He hadn't even had a single nightmare yet, even if that might be because we didn't get much sleep. Looking at his radiant face, I realized I couldn't tell him about Sandy. "We're fine…I just started breastfeeding him."

"I can see that. He looks very hungry. What did you do today?"

"In the morning I went outside for a walk and Jesse James slept all the time in his stroller…he loves sleeping in there. I also went to the market…and ran into Mrs. Wesley and Mrs. Collins, who forced me to chat with them for what felt like ages…they said Jesse's the cutest baby they've ever seen and that he looks exactly like you." I told him.

Soda grinned. He loved it when people complimented on Jesse James saying he resembled him. "That's tuff."

"How was your day?" I asked him.

"Okay. But thank God it's Friday, I need a break." He yawned. "Isn't Lewis coming tomorrow?"

"Yeah…" I completely forgot about that. "He's only staying for the weekend…"

I left Jesse James with Sodapop to cook. Sometimes I felt cooking was relaxing, other times I despised it. That day, it was the first case. "How's Shadowfax doing?" I exclaimed.

Soda replied: "He's better, the vet said he'll probably recover in a week or so." Shadowfax was one of the horses of the farm and one of Sodapop's favorites. The guy who sold him to the farm had named the horse after the character in the Lord of the Rings books.

"I'm glad." I loved animals and I couldn't stand it when they suffered. Soda was the same and we had always wanted to get a dog or a cat, but never actually did it. Maybe when Jesse James was older we could get a dog. "Dinner's ready!"

Soda entered the room. Whenever I saw him holding our baby, the sight almost broke my heart. It was the most adorable thing ever.

"Spaghetti! Jesse, you don't know what you're missin', boy." Soda exclaimed.

"He likes his milk better." I reminded him. "I…" I was still thinking if I should tell Sodapop about Sandy. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. "I hope you like 'em." I said, before putting Jesse James in his crib and sitting down to eat.

"Delicious." Soda muttered with his mouth full. "Want to go get some ice-cream after dinner?"

"You're already thinking about dessert?"

"Yeah, why not."

"I'll have a walk with you but I don't want any ice-cream. I still need to lose some pounds."

"Aww, come on! I'll look selfish if I eat ice-cream and my wife doesn't!"

Soda complained so much that in the end I ended up buying some ice-cream too. I guess we were actually looking funny, eating ice-cream while walking around all bundled up because of the cold pushing our baby's stroller.

"Are you sure he's dressed enough?" I anxiously asked Sodapop while checking on Jesse James.

"Of course he is, if you dressed him more he'd be sweating like this was the Sahara desert." Soda replied.

"You're so funny!" I mocked him.

"That must be why you love me." He grinned and kissed me. His lips tasted like chocolate (what else?), but we didn't have the chance to deepen the kiss because someone whistled. "How are you doing, lovebirds?"

"Hey, Two-Bit!" We greeted him. "We haven't seen you in a while…"

"Yeah, been busy with some girls…"

"Some girls?" I repeated. "Not just one?"

"No way, I ain't ready to settle down yet!" he laughed. "Lemme see the baby…he's sleeping!" he exclaimed, sounding surprised.

"Well, you know, Two-Bit, two-months-old babies do sleep a lot." Soda joked.

"Right. I'll see you around, I have a date! G'night!"

As he walked away, Soda laughed. "He'll never change."

"I guess not."

"Where were we?" He kissed me again.

"If you don't mind I'd like to go home, I'm freezing."

"Yeah, sure. Besides, Pony's out with his friends, so…"

"Get your mind out of the gutter!" I laughed. "It's not like Ponyboy's staying out all night."

"Still, it's only 8…"

We passed Steve and Evie's house that very moment. I suddenly felt sick. "Soda…" I needed to tell him. I had always been honest with Sodapop and this was definitely something important. "Look…I need to tell you something…"

"What is it?"

"Today, when I went to ask Evie for some eggs…when I entered the kitchen…Sandy was there." I stared at him: he didn't look particularly impressed. "I just said hello, she said hello too…then Steve arrived and when he noticed her, he said he thought she was back to Florida already…" I added.

Soda looked thoughtful. "What did she look like?"

"She had dark blond hair, she was quite tanned and I thought she was really…beautiful." I weakly replied.

"Sybil…even if I haven't seen her in years, I can tell you that you're the most beautiful woman I've ever met. And I love you because you're perfect."

"You're only saying that so that I don't start asking questions about you and her."

"No, I'm sayin' that 'cause it's true! You're perfect to me, you really are. And…yeah, I'd like to see Sandy again…but she broke my heart, I could never show any kind of love towards her. Not anymore. Maybe sympathy, but not love or affection."

That made me feel a little better, but I wasn't so sure of Soda's reaction if he'd meet her. "You aren't mad at me, are you? For not telling you earlier?"

"I ain't mad."

We had reached our house and went inside. "Do you think she'd want to see you?" I asked. "Maybe she phoned. When we got those strange calls…"

"Maybe."

Even if Soda insisted he was fine, it was obvious the whole Sandy thing was bugging him. When we went to sleep I wished I hadn't said anything.

--------------------------------------------

The following day I didn't have much time to think about Sandy. Lewis arrived early in the morning and he had brought tons of gifts for Jesse James and the family.

"He's gorgeous, Sybil! You two must be so proud." Lewis said, as he held his nephew. "He looks-"

"Like Soda, I know, you don't need to tell me. Everyone already does that constantly."

"Well, what's the big deal? You should be happy he looks like your beloved husband."

"I am." I assured him. "Will you come to the mall with me? I need to buy some stuff and I know Sodapop hates going there."

Lewis nodded. I told Soda about it and asked him if he was going out, too, or if he would look after Jesse James.

"I think I'll stop by at the farm to check on Shadowfax. Do you mind taking Jesse James with you?"

"No, that's alright, he'll just sleep all morning in the stroller anyway. I'll see you at lunch!" I kissed his cheek and not much later left with my brother and my child to go to the mall.

Lewis looked like his usual self, but he wouldn't talk much. I was almost forcing him to speak. We met Joan and Adam who were shopping as well and then had to rush back home, because Jesse James was crying a lot and he wouldn't calm down.

When Soda arrived home, he looked mad. He had just met Sandy. When he spoke, he sounded furious. "We had a fight."


	14. Lost without you

I'm super excited because I finally got _The Outsiders: the complete novel_ and I can't stop watching all the extras and stuff. I haven't seen the whole movie yet though, haven't had time…because of my exams. I'll be done on July 11th and then I'll finally be able to relax, I can't wait!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.

**14 – Lost without you**

I rarely saw Sodapop mad. He usually was happy-go-lucky, even in the worst days. He always tried to be positive about everything. Well, mostly everything. Therefore, seeing him getting mad was something that almost scared me.

"What did you fight about?" I tentatively asked.

Soda didn't answer at first. He just kept staring down. "Where's Jesse James?"

"He's in the kitchen with Lewis and Ponyboy…Soda, will you tell me what happened?"

Soda started recalling his encounter with Sandy. He told me he had been at the farm for half an hour when his boss told him someone was looking for him and it turned out to be Sandy. "When I saw her I didn't know what to do, what to say…and then she smiled at me and started saying stupid things like _You look good, you haven't aged one day since we last saw each other… _and she said… she wanted to meet me just to see how I was doing, and that she also called but didn't have the guts to say anything 'cause she didn't know I was married…Evie told her eventually and then she also saw you…and then out of the blue she said _I'm sorry_. I couldn't take it when she said that, I blew up at her. I never yelled at her before…I never yelled at her when we were going out, I had no real reason to… but I don't know what happened, all of a sudden I was feeling madder than ever." Soda paused. "I yelled she had no right to come back this way and tell me she's sorry, that she has no right to act like she's some kind of victim 'cause she isn't! I'm the one who was being cheated on, I'm the one who wrote to her and never got a reply, I'm the one whose heart was broken! And then I felt like hitting her…"

"You didn't…right?" I asked.

"Of course not! You know I'd never hurt a woman!"

"Yeah, I know. Calm down, Soda, you're scaring me…"

Soda looked like he didn't hear me. "And then she also said she wished the baby was mine, because she'd have married me right away if it was… and I asked her where the child is now, and she said she had no idea because she put it up for adoption…and I told her she's a horrible person for doing that, and then she started crying, and I just stormed off." He concluded.

"Soda, you can't blame her for the adoption thing…if she was seventeen at the time-"

"I don't give a damn!"

He suddenly headed toward the front door and I went after him: "Wait! Where are you going?"

"Out!" He slammed the door so hard that Jesse James started crying in the other room.

I was going to reach Soda, but I thought better and reached my brother and Ponyboy in the other room. Lewis looked totally clueless as to what was going on and he clearly wished Jesse James would stop crying. "Give me the baby." I told him. "Pony…would you mind talking to Soda? I think right now…he needs you."

Ponyboy looked puzzled, but nodded. "Sure…"

When he left, Lewis just stared at me for a while before announcing he was going to see a friend of his, if I didn't mind.

Those were the moments when I loved my brother the most. He always understood when I didn't want to talk.

As I gently rocked Jesse James back and forth, I thought about that day when I stopped by at the DX station and met him…when I was stunned seeing how attractive he was and thought he was better-looking than James Dean.

I realized Soda shared lots of memories with Sandy way before he and I met each other. And somehow, realizing that made me feel deeply hurt. I was feeling like a teenager all over again.

--------------------------------------

The following morning I got up very early. It was almost six and both Sodapop and Jesse James were in a deep slumber.

I quietly got dressed and went downstairs to clean the living room, but then I saw Lewis' sleeping silohuette on the sofa and remembered he was spending the weekend there. Not wanting to disturb him, I went into the kitchen and started cleaning there. I needed to be busy, so I wouldn't have time to think too much. At seven I was done and I went upstairs to get Jesse James. I fed him and then I sat down at the kitchen table with him in my lap, with a notebook in front of me.

"Morning, Sybil…" Ponyboy entered the kitchen. "How long have you been up?"

"For a while. I'll cook you breakfast, sit down, you look like you haven't slept at all…here, hold Jesse James…What do you want for breakfast?"

Ponyboy looked at me like he was doubting my sanity. "You're acting strange. I know last night was bad, but…"

"I'm fine. I've started writing down some ideas I've had for your graduation, I mean, your graduation party, but of course I need to hear what you think about it…"

"My graduation party?" he repeated.

"Yeah, the idea came to me this morning. I thought it'd be nice 'cause…well, we can't throw parties for your birthday anymore since you've grown up. But a graduation, it's different…or maybe you want to have a party with your friends only?"

"No, I mean, are you sure having a party won't be a problem?"

"Of course it won't! So…I was trying to list the amount of people who will be there, more or less…not to sound noisy, but are you going to invite Lauren?"

"Well, sure, but I don't think she'll come. She's kinda…she still holds a grudge at me for breaking up with her."

I looked at him disbelievingly. "After all these months? Is she touchy or what?"

Pony laughed. "Yeah, I guess she is. She threw a fit when she saw me having lunch with this girl, Amy."

"She probably still likes you a lot."

"Or she's simply possessive. Hey, Jesse James, don't drool all over my new shirt!"

I laughed. "Give him to me." I picked him up. "It's only half past seven and it's Sunday, why are you even up yet?"

"I need to revise, the exams are starting soon."

"Right. I wonder when Darry's graduating? He hasn't told us anything yet. We all should go over there when he does. Let's hope it's not the same day as yours."

Not much later, Lewis entered the kitchen yawning. "Morning, everybody."

"Hey, Lewis. Slept well?"

"Yeah, that's got to be one of the best sofas in Tulsa." He nodded approvingly.

"Could you look after Jesse James for about a hour or so while I go to church?" I asked him.

"Yeah, but what do I do if he starts crying?"

He was really hopeless. I told him what to do, then got ready to go to church and left.

Since Jesse James' birth, I had only been there twice. When I went on Sunday mornings, Ponyboy usually came with me, but Soda never did. Sometimes I felt sad about it because I wanted him to have faith…but I knew I couldn't force it upon him.

That morning I wasn't feeling that great and sitting for an hour in the church, listening to the priest's sermon, trying to pay attention and not think about anything else wasn't easy. Especially when "anything else" meant Sodapop and his ex-girlfriend.

When they sang the final hymn and people started leaving the building, I just sat there, listening to the choir. They sang beautifully and somehow hearing the comforting words helped me feeling better.

"May I sit here?"

I recognized the voice right away but didn't look up. "Sure."

Sodapop sat down. "Are you trying to avoid me or something?"

I finally turned and looked at him. "No. At least, not on purpose."

He looked at me sceptically before replying: "I didn't mean to leave like that last night…"

"Maybe you should go talk to Sandy again." I said bitterly.

He ignored my remark. "The point is, I'm sorry for acting like a jerk. I don't know why I got so emotional when I saw her, I just felt like…I was sixteen again. But you've always been there for me, Sybil, and I can't say the same about Sandy. You're so special and I don't think you realize how important you are to me. You and Jesse James are my life. I'd be lost without you."

_That_ almost brought me to tears. I hugged Sodapop and held him tight. "I love you." I whispered.

"I love you more."

I smiled. "That's not possible."

"Yeah, it is." He grinned.

"Let's go home." I took his warm hand and smiled.

Soda talked to Sandy again before she left to go back to Florida. They tried to part without any bitter feelings toward each other, but obviously it was never going to be the same like when they were teenagers.

But now Sodapop was fine.

--------------------------------------

A couple of weeks later, Josh Becker came to Tulsa to be operated on his right eye. The doctors were hopeful and quite confident the operation would turn out okay and he was too.

"I mean, it can't get any worse than now, right?" he said the day before he'd enter the hospital. Josh, Sodapop, Two-Bit and I were in our living room, chatting.

"Tell you what, tomorrow we'll celebrate by getting wasted! I'll bring the booze…and then we'll get ourselves some fine blonde chicks!" Two-Bit exclaimed. "I mean, Josh and I will, obviously. Soda will be good." He added, looking at me.

"You still an alcoholic, Two-Bit?" Josh asked, amused. He knew him quite well, after all the time they spent together in Vietnam.

"I'm going to bed. I'm tired…I'll see you tomorrow, Josh, I'm sure everything will turn out just fine." I said.

"Thanks, Sybil! Good night."

"I'll reach you and Jesse James in a while, okay?" Sodapop kissed me.

"Okay. Night, everybody."

I looked at Soda as I left the room. I thought it was good for him to spend some time with Josh, not just because he was an old friend but also 'cause they shared common experiences and they could relate to each other well. Same thing for Two-Bit.

The following day didn't start in a good way though. I woke up because I heard noises from downstairs and when I got there, I saw Sodapop and Steve talking animatedly in the kitchen. They didn't notice me.

"Until you're sure of what you're saying, you should just calm down!"

"You sure you heard me right?"

"Steve, come on, stop pacing-"

"What if she did it on purpose?" he exclaimed, livid in the face.

Sodapop raised an eyebrow at him. "She definitely needed your help for that, you know."

"Don't try to be funny, this is serious. What if she got pregnant again just so I wouldn't divorce her?"

"That's ridiculous, Steve." Soda told him. Steve looked like he was really losing it. "You said Evie ain't even sure she's pregnant."

"But if she is, I ain't gonna be able to get a divorce now! I can't leave her while she's expecting!"

"Why didn't you think of this when you two slept together?"

"You think I'm able to think straight when that kind of things happen?" Steve shouted.

"Alright, stop yelling. You're gonna wake Jesse James, Sybil and Ponyboy."

He was right. Jesse James started crying and I went upstairs, trying not to make any noise. I didn't want Steve to think I was eavesdropping on their conversation. Ponyboy was awake, too, and he asked me what was going on. I told him and he shook his head. "Man, that sucks. Especially for Julie."

"Yeah." I agreed. Julie was only three. For her sake, I hoped Steve and Evie would try to act like civilized human beings around each other.


	15. Ponyboy's news

I'm almost falling asleep on the keyboard while I type, because it's three in the morning over here…BUT I wanted to update and tell you guys that I'm leaving for Paris next Saturday and I'll be there for a week (till 22nd of July), so I'll update when I come back, on 23rd or 24th. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.

**15 – Ponyboy's news**

In May, Ponyboy and Darrel graduated. First was Darry and only five days later it was Ponyboy's turn, so within a week we went to Shreveport, spent a couple of days there and then got back to Tulsa. Luckily, even if he was only three months old, Jesse James was already a quiet baby and he didn't cry or act difficult for the most part of our time travelling.

During Ponyboy's graduation, I got a bit teary-eyed. Soda noticed at once and made fun of me till Ponyboy reached us smiling hugely: "Sybil, why are you crying?"

"I'm not! I got a bit emotional…" I said. I was bawling by now. "It's just, I'm proud of you and you're so handsome, you look so much like Sodapop…" I trailed off.

Soda held me while I tried to regain my composure and he and Darry laughed at me. Then we all hugged Ponyboy and congratulated him. Then he looked at someone far away from us: "Mr. Andrews is waving at me, maybe he needs something…you mind?"

"Go ahead, we'll wait for you."

"How many people are gonna be at the party?" Soda asked. We had decided we'd have a party at our house to celebrate both Darry and Pony's graduations.

"We invited twenty, so I guess there'll be at least thirty people there." I replied.

"You okay, Pony?" Darry asked his brother when he reached us.

"Yeah…let's go home."

Even if he denied it, Ponyboy acted strange for the rest of the day. Even at his party, he didn't seem much into it.

That night, while I was getting ready to go to bed, Soda talked to Pony. When he reached me in our bedroom, he was grinning crazily.

"You'll never guess!" he exclaimed.

"What?"

"A guy named Chuck Bradford wants to publish Ponyboy's works!"

"What?" I repeated, enthusiastically, this time around.

"You know today, when his teacher waved at him? He wanted to introduce Pony to a friend of his, Chuck Bradford, who's a publisher! The guy read some of Pony's short stories that he did for college and he thinks he's very good!" Sodapop explained, grinning. "And he wants to publish some of his stuff!"

"That's amazing! Why didn't Pony say anything earlier? He should be thrilled!"

"He's just baffled, he says he can't believe someone would publish the ramblings of a 21-year-old!"

"But we always knew how great he is! Wait, I have to talk to him-"

Soda stopped me. "Not now, he's deep in thought and still kinda dazed. You'll talk to him tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay…this is so great, I'm so happy for Pony!" I really was. I'd always known he had so much potential.

"By the way, I gotta go to Kansas next week."

"Already?"

"Yeah, with the good season coming up, some horses are going to be sold and we have to show them in fairs and stuff." Soda yawned and lay down on the bed. "I'm exhausted."

For some reason I wasn't really tired but lay down next to him anyway. "How long are you gonna stay in Kansas?"

"Just four days. I'm worried about Shadowfax…he hasn't been the same since he got sick."

I looked at him curiously. Even in the darkness of the room, I could make out his perfect features. "Soda, he's a horse."

"Yeah, but he's smart. He's always been my favorite since Mr. Danes bought him three years ago." He explained.

"How come no one bought Shadowfax from him in three years?" Mr. Danes bought and sold horses all the time.

"It's cause Shadowfax ain't got no real good pedigree. But he's better than most other horses at the farm."

"You really love him. Should I start worrying?" I joked.

"Naw. Not yet." He grinned. "He kinda reminds me of Mickey Mouse, that's why I'm so fond of him. Actually…I hope Mr. Danes doesn't sell him." He kissed me. "Night, Sybil."

"Night, Soda."

--------------------------------------

When Sodapop left the following week, tons of things happened.

Josh Becker came to visit. They had just removed the bandages he had had to keep for some weeks after the operation to his right eye and since the first moment I opened the front door I could tell he was now able to see. He was over the moon and he had to refrain himself from looking everywhere, like he wanted to make up for all the time he spent not being able to see.

"I'm sorry Soda's not here, but as soon as he comes back you could meet…are you staying in Tulsa or are you going back to Oklahoma City?" I asked him, while we were sitting at the kitchen table, drinking some coffee.

"I think I'm gonna stay here, at least for the summer…" From the way he spoke, it seemed to me that he had a particular reason to stay. "You know, it's like I'm reborn, like I'm seeing stuff for the first time in my life. I never noticed so many details in my life before. It's so true that we take everything we have for granted."

I smiled. "I agree."

"You look a lot like I remembered." He noticed the confused look on my face and he quickly added: "When we were in Nam, Soda had some photos of you and him together and he looked at them all the time. He showed 'em to some of us, too, the ones who understood what it's like to be in love." I nodded and he went on talking: "I'm curious to see your son. If he's so much like Sodapop, he must be a real looker. So many guys used to make fun of him cause of his pretty face."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He got into a couple of fights and when they understood he knew how to beat up people, they left him alone."

I didn't like thinking about Soda fighting but I knew back in the day when we weren't dating it was common for him to do that. And even when we were going out…it happened sometimes. "Jesse James should wake up anytime now, so you'll see him. Josh, I was wondering…" I hesitated. "Do you have any siblings?" I wanted to ask him about his family, parents and all, but it would've been rude.

"No, I'm an only child. I have a couple of relatives in Garyville, but that's about it."

Since he didn't mention his parents, I thought I wouldn't insist. I was simply wondering how he had managed to pass the last years, when he was blind, on his own. Later, he saw Jesse James and said he was "a real doll".

"I better go now…I have to meet someone." He got up, smiling. "Tell Sodapop I say hi and maybe I'll see him when he comes back."

When Josh left, I started thinking about Vietnam. I don't know why, but when Soda wasn't with me, or when someone connected to him like Josh or Two-Bit showed up, I always found myself deep in thought about those months when Soda and I had been apart.

I had no idea they made fun of him cause of his looks, but it made sense: there had to be some pretty rough guys in the army. I wondered how many things about those days he hadn't told me, or he had omitted, because it hurt to remember.

"Ponyboy, do you know where Sodapop put our photo albums?" I asked him when he came home in the late afternoon. I wanted to look at some pictures of us and of them brothers.

"Have you tried looking in the living room's cupboard?"

I did. They were there. "Thanks, Pony. I don't know what I'd do without you…especially when Soda's away."

He grinned. He really looked a lot like Sodapop. "You're my favorite sister-in-law. And not just because you're the only one."

I laughed. "Are you going out tonight?"

"Nope, I'll stay home."

I was glad he did, because if I was on my own in the evenings I always felt so lonely. Maybe when Jesse James would start talking that'd change. "Let's watch some movies! When Soda's home, he complains all the time his body goes to sleep if he has to sit on the sofa for more than half an hour and we can never watch TV properly."

"Sure. Do you want me to go get some pizza or somethin'?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind."

Ponyboy left and I looked at all the pictures on our photo albums. All of them but our wedding ones, because they made me feel nostalgic and melancholic and I couldn't stand it if Sodapop wasn't there.

Then Steve came by cause he needed to talk to Soda (he'd forgotten he'd left the day before). Steve and Evie had mutually decided to get a divorce and she wasn't pregnant after all. I was feeling awful sorry for Julie.

------------------------------------------

"I'm back!"

When I heard Soda's voice, I rushed to go hug him. "I missed you!"

I let go of him and noticed the look on his face. "What's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing, don't worry. I'm just sleepy." He didn't look just sleepy. "How's Jesse James?"

"Fine. He ate and I just put him to sleep. You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I think I'll go straight to bed."

I glanced at the clock. It was only eight in the evening. "Okay. You don't wanna eat anything? I can fix you everything you want."

"No, thanks."

He went upstairs. I'd missed him so much while he had been away that I didn't feel like staying downstairs all alone, so I reached him after I'd washed the dishes.

Sodapop was sleeping already. I lay down and got close to him, but it was so early that I couldn't sleep. About half an hour later, he started shaking and moving around a little in his sleep.

"Soda…wake up!"

He eventually did. He was sweating. "What?"

"You were having a nightmare…" I slowly said.

"What? I don't remember." He sat up. "Did I say something?"

"No, you just…you were shaking."

He nodded and wiped the sweat off of his forehead. I stared at him: I'd thought his nightmares were gone for good. I had been wrong.


	16. Babies and birthdays

I know I said I'd update last month, but I had a terrible case of writer's block (and I mean it!), I couldn't write to save my own life… now I'm finally updating even if this chapter's quite short. I'm leaving to go on vacation in a couple of hours and I'll stay away from home until 13th…I hope I'll be able to put up chapter 17 as soon as I'm back!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders.

**16 – Babies and birthdays**

Summer went by quickly. The best thing that happened was Ponyboy signing a contract to get some of his works published (they would be out in the winter). It was a series of short stories that would be printed along with another guy's works, but Ponyboy didn't mind: he was just happy he was having such a great chance.

Joan and Adam had their baby, Zachary, in August and some days after the birth Soda and I went to visit them with Jesse James.

"He's adorable, he looks so much like you, Joan…" I told her, after taking a peek on the sleepy baby.

"You think so?" Joan smiled proudly.

"Yeah, the next one is gonna look everything like me!" Adam piped up. "And it'll be a girl!"

"What are you now, a fortune teller?" Joan said.

"Exactly. I see…that Zach and Jesse James are going to be best friends when they grow up…and I see…your mother will phone in ten minutes."

When Joan's mother really phoned ten minutes later, Soda asked Adam how he knew. Adam grinned and replied: "She phones every other day at the same time. Joan hasn't noticed, but I have."

"I do hope our children become friends though." I said.

When Joan reached us we all sat in the living room talking. "Sybil, you'll never guess what Lucy Barnes did!"

"What?" Lucy Barnes was one of our class mates from college. We had never been great friends, because she was so much different from Joan, Helene and I.

"You remember in our final year of college she was dating Charlie West?"

I nodded. "So?"

"My mom just told me on the phone…she heard this from her cousin's friend…that Lucy and Charlie broke up because she cheated on him with his brother!"

"I guess the men in the West family are that attractive." I commented, while Sodapop and Adam started laughing.

"Man, I should pay attention to Ponyboy." Soda joked.

"I think I'm safe, my brother is four years younger than me. Joan, you wouldn't go for a twenty year old, would you?" Adam laughed.

"You can never be serious, can you?"

"I guess not."

Not much later we left because Joan and Adam were busy with Zachary and Jesse James needed to take a nap.

"Thank God. I'm always afraid I'm gonna break something when I'm in their house." Soda sighed, while opening the car door for me. Then, noticing the look on my face, he added: "I like Adam and Joan just fine, but everything in their house looks so…"

"Expensive?" I suggested.

"I was gonna say fragile, but I guess it's the same thing. When their kid grows up, they better replace their furniture a bit."

"Yeah, we're lucky that way. There's nothing in our house that can easily be broken." I paused. "And you know what? I like it better that way. I want our children to be able to invite their friends over and have fun without worrying about these things."

"Our children?" Soda repeated.

"Yes…what, you want Jesse James to be an only child? He'd be very lonely." I looked at our baby in his carseat.

"Well I don't know, I ain't the kind of guy who wants plenty of kids. I wonder how my parents managed to not go insane with three kids, and three boys at that." He told me as he started the car.

"I wonder that too." I replied. "But it's not like I want a bunch of children. Just another…or maybe other two…like your parents. But not now…when Jesse James is two years old or something…" While Soda was approaching our street, I remembered something. "Would you mind stopping by at Steve and Evie's? I wanted to see Julie."

"It's just Evie now, and you can't always worry about Julie. She's got her parents for that."

"I know. I'm not trying to be her mother…but I feel bad for the way things turned out…I just want to lend a hand if I can."

Soda eventually went home with Jesse James to put him to bed, while I went to see Evie and Julie. They weren't home.

----------------------------------------

Something very unpleasant happened in September. Shadowfax, that hadn't been feeling well for the past months, got weaker and weaker till Mr. Danes, Sodapop's boss, had enough of seeing one of his horses like that and shot him.

Soda was miserable. When he came home, he told me what happened.

"I should've seen it comin', but Mr. Danes just…all of a sudden…he took his heater and he shot…" Soda paused. "I know it's better, Shadowfax was sick and he wasn't going to recover, but…" He stopped talking and he didn't say anything for the rest of the day. The only moment when he seemed to feel better was when Jesse James woke up and he played a bit with him, but his mood didn't improve until early October.

We invited some people for Soda's 25th birthday, on October 8th: Steve, Two-Bit and his girlfriend of the month, Josh Becker and a couple of other friends. Josh was bringing along some girl he was going out with.

"Soda, everyone's here but Josh." I noticed that evening.

Soda answered with his mouth full of chips and I didn't understand anything. "What?"

He swallowed and repeated: "He said he might be a little late. He said he was probably coming over with this girl…"

"This girl who?"

"I don't know…this girl he's dating."

"Hey, Soda! Come here!" Steve shouted from the other part of the room.

While he reached his friends, I went upstairs to check on Jesse James. He was sleeping soundly and once again I was grateful for having such a quiet baby.

Once I got downstairs, I bumped into Ponyboy who was grinning like a madman. "Hey, Pony…what's going on?"

"Hum…nothing."

I eyed him suspiciously but didn't ask anything. I entered the living room and couldn't believe my own eyes.

"Sybil!"

I felt so relieved and happy when I realized who it was that Josh had brought along. "Sophie!"


	17. A quiet evening

Hi! Here I am with another chapter…I think there are some nice fluffy parts! Also, I wanted to let everyone know that I'm thinking of the final part of this story, because it won't last much longer…I know how it's going to end and everything and I think I'll write other three chapters or something like that. I'm not 100 sure yet, so don't take my word for granted!

Now I should be off practising piano. I'm learning some wonderful songs… I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders.

**17 – A quiet evening**

Life sure is funny. I never would've guessed the girl Josh was going out with was Sophie, my best friend from high school, the one who'd run off to become a hippie and eventually discovered that kind of life wasn't for her. Not to mention, I had been sure despite everything that she was still living with her abusive boyfriend Jeff…but I was happy to see I'd been wrong.

Josh told Soda and I that he met Sophie while he was in the hospital. She'd been beaten badly by Jeff and she had spent a week there, recovering. Needless to say…she and Josh had gotten along since the first moment they spoke to each other and when Sophie left the hospital, she broke up with Jeff, went back to her parents' house and then started visiting Josh while he recovered after the operation to his eye (which took a while). Now they were officially dating.

I didn't know Josh well, but Sophie looked truly happy with him. She and I had a long chat, a couple of days after Soda's birthday party.

"I know I should have listened to you, Sybil…you've been right all along about Jeff and…" she paused. "I don't know, I guess I had to learn it the hard way. He hurt me pretty bad, I thought I was going to die…" She looked down and her dark locks fell in front of her face, covering her eyes. "Then I met Josh…he was so wonderful to me, I don't even know why. I truly was a complete wreck."

"What really matters is you're happy now." I hugged her. "I missed you. We were inseparable once…where did those days go?"

"Well, you won't be missing me anymore. Josh and I plan on residing here in Tulsa…I bet you'll grow tired of me!" She smiled.

"Really? You're staying? What about your parents…are you getting along?"

"Yeah, they…they said they were hoping I'd come back home someday. We didn't exactly part in the nicest way when I went to California years ago. I'm living with them for now, until Josh and I…find some place to stay in. I'm also looking for a job."

"I'll help you in your search."

Sophie and I visited lots of places and eventually found a nice apartment. Now she only needed to find a job.

"So it looks like everyone's happy now. You and me, Joan and Adam, Sophie and Josh…" I told Soda as we were eating dinner.

"Everyone but Steve and Evie, I guess." He replied. He had Jesse James on his lap and was trying to feed him, but he just kept turning around. "Come on, Jesse. Be a good boy."

"I told you he ate too much this afternoon." I said, as I stared at them.

"Look, he's eating now. It just takes some patience…"

As I watched Sodapop and Jesse James, I realized how lucky I was. They were everything to me, I would be so lost without them…

"Hi!" Ponyboy entered the kitchen. He had a huge smile on his face. "Sorry I'm late! I met Two-Bit and I had to drive him home, because he was so drunk he'd got lost."

We all started laughing. "Good ol' Two-Bit. He'll never change." Soda exclaimed.

"Soda, I'll feed Jesse James now so you can eat." Ponyboy offered.

"Thanks, Pony, but aren't you hungry too?"

"Not much."

"Guess what?" Pony went on talking. "I spoke to Mr. Bradford today, he said the short stories have been selling quite good. Nothing exceptional, but he's asked me if I plan on writing a novel or something anytime soon, cause if I do, he'll gladly examine it and then maybe publish it, too."

"That's awesome, Pony!" Soda tried to hug him, but stopped because Jesse James was sitting on his brother's lap. "So have you started writing something new?"

"I'm thinking about it. I need to talk to Mr. Symes, though…you remember, my high school teacher?"

"Sure I remember. He was my teacher too and the only one who didn't get mad at me even if my spelling was awful." Soda replied.

"Still is." Pony joked and Soda smacked him lightly in the head. "I'm going out later, don't wait up for me, okay?"

I wanted to ask where he was going, but I didn't feel like intruding in his business. Soda could have asked something, but he didn't.

Later that evening, Sodapop, Jesse James and I were laying on our bed, just enjoying a quiet evening and talking (well, me and Soda were).

"I'm happy he got your blue eyes." Sodapop said, staring at our baby.

"I'm happy he got everything else from you." I smiled, and kissed Jesse James. "Seriously, it's not funny how much he looks like you, Soda." Even in old pictures from when Sodapop was a baby, there was a strong resemblance.

"Aw, I bet his personality will match yours, Sybil. And then he'll conquer the world."

I laughed. "I don't know about the world, but I'm sure many girls will fall in love with him. He's so beautiful."

"I know he is, but don't you think you could stop kissing him for a second and kiss me instead?" Soda grinned.

"I'll make an effort…"

After a kiss, Soda became serious and said: "I haven't been completely honest…when I told you I don't want many kids. It's just I'm afraid we wouldn't be able to look after them all properly…that we wouldn't have the money…"

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I don't know. But if I could, I'd have a dozen kids with you, Sybil."

"A dozen is a little too much!" I smiled and kissed him. "Soda, we're not doing bad, are we? I don't think we need to worry."

"You're right. I love you, Sybil."

"I love you too, Sodapop."

Soda cleared his throat. "I wanted to tell you something about Pony. You know when he said he was going out? I noticed you were looking at him like you wanted to know what he was gonna do."

"Yeah, I know, I should mind my own business."

"It ain't that. It's…Ponyboy's…I think he's dating this girl…"

"What's the matter? Do you know her?"

"I don't know her, but…" Soda paused. "I know her age. She's six years older than him."

"WHAT?" I tried to think reasonably. "Are you kidding? No way he's going out with a twenty seven year old woman!"

"I think he is indeed. I saw them, but Pony didn't notice me."

"You saw them where?"

"They were in some café together and they looked really happy."

"How do you know she's six years older than him?"

I kept asking Soda lots of questions. I couldn't believe Ponyboy was going out with someone so much older than him.


	18. Appearances are deceiving

I can't really write anything because I'm in a hurry right now, but I want to thank everybody for your patience since lately I've been busy and I haven't updated much. Sorry!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.

**18 – Appearances are deceiving**

"He's said his first word!"

"It didn't sound like a word to me, more like babbling…which he does all the time!"

"No way! He really said it, he said 'dad'!" Sodapop insisted. "Come on, Jesse James, say it again…say 'dad'!"

I stared at Soda, who was holding our ten month old baby, who just looked down at him with his bright blue eyes.

"He'll say it when he wants to. Right, sweetie?" I kissed Jesse James, who smiled. Soda grinned and I felt so proud, because their smiles were exactly the same.

"D'you want some hot chocolate?" I asked. It was early December and it was freezing.

"Sure! I'd never turn down chocolate."

"Okay. Be back in a while." I kissed both Soda and Jesse James before leaving the living room and entering the kitchen. I was thinking of Ponyboy and his old girlfriend.

_She's not old,_ a voice inside my head said, _she's only 27._

_But she's too old for him._

_It isn't any of your business, really._

_I know, but…_

I burned myself a little with the chocolate and I cursed. I wished Ponyboy would tell Soda and I about the woman. Well, at least Soda. He had always told us about his girlfriends before, and brought them home. But I saw why he wasn't going to do it this time.

As I brought Soda his filled cup, I heard it. Jesse James really pronounced it clearly. "Dad!" he cheered.

"Sibyl, you heard? You heard? I told you!" Soda was so excited, I hadn't seen him like that for a long time. He grinned, first at me and then at our baby. "That's my boy! Now you can start saying 'mom', too!" he approved.

"How come his first word was 'dad' and not 'mom'?" I asked, pretending to be mad. I was beaming, though.

"Cause he wanted to surprise us!" Soda put him down and started drinking.

"He's not the only one."

"Sybil, you know we should trust Pony. He's always been mature for his age."

Maybe that's the problem… I thought, but didn't say anything. "I'll go take a nap, okay?" I hadn't slept well that night, partly because of a headache and partly because Jesse James had woken up more times than usual.

"Sure. I'll stay here and try to teach other words to our baby!"

I smiled as I walked upstairs. Sometimes I wondered who the real child was.

----------------------------------------

When I woke up, I was feeling much warmer. Soda was beside me. "Hey…"

"Hi." I rolled over and buried my face in his chest. "What time is it?"

"Almost five."

I was still feeling sleepy, so I didn't move. Soda smelled so good. "Jesse's sleeping?"

"Yeah. He repeated the word 'dad' a couple times because I always cheered when he did, and he realized it was a good thing, then he muttered something that sounded like 'Jagger', but maybe my ears were playing tricks on me. I hope so. You been tryin' to make him say 'Mick Jagger rocks'?"

I smiled. "No."

"Darry came by."

Something in Soda's voice made me look up at him. "And?"

"It's supposed to be a secret, but since he'll announce it soon I guess I can tell." Soda grinned. "He's gonna get married to Diane."

"What?" I felt completely awake now.

"They're engaged and getting married next year, in spring."

"That's so great, Soda!" I remembered she was from Louisiana. We had only met her once so far. "But…where are they going to live?"

"Here in Tulsa. Darry convinced Diane to move here, she's never been too fond of her own town anyway."

I could tell Sodapop was happy his older brother was going to live near us and not in another state. "I hope she and I become good friends…"

"She doesn't know anyone else but Darry, and us, here, so I guess that'll be easy enough."

"What if she doesn't like me when we get to know each other?"

"That's impossible. Everybody likes you!" Soda grinned.

"And everybody loves you." I replied.

"I guess we're just one amazing family!"

As if on cue, Jesse James started crying and Soda went to get him. When he came back and our baby had calmed down, I asked him: "So is Diane going to be in town for Christmas?"

"I don't know, Darry didn't say."

"What about Pony? Do you think he'll want to spend Christmas with…" I trailed off.

"Naw, Pony loves us! Right, baby?"

Jesse James seemed happy and shook his head. "Dada!"

"No, you have to say 'dad'!" Soda reminded him. He shook his head again and started babbling incoherent words.

"This is gonna be Jesse's first Christmas." I said. "I want to buy him something real nice."

And so the following week I hurried to finish getting presents for everyone. I loved Christmas and I loved seeing all the decorations and lights that were almost everywhere in Tulsa by that half of the month.

"We're going shopping today, Jesse. We need to buy lots of gifts!" I told Jesse James as I put on him some heavy clothes to keep him warm.

"Who?" He asked. He was starting to learn new words everyday. It was so adorable when he talked, or tried to.

"You mean who we're buying them for?" I said. "For friends, for your uncles Pony and Darry, and maybe for your daddy too, if we find something nice."

"Daddy!" he repeated.

"Yeah. And we'll get something for you as well."

"No!" he complained, trying to take off his gloves.

"It's very cold outside, you're gonna need them. Don't take them off!"

He looked disappointed and kept pulling at them for a while, but eventually stopped.

When we got to the mall, I only had time to get a present for Julie before I saw Ponyboy with a girl.

He didn't see me and I stared at them: the girl barely reached his shoulder and she had short dark hair. She looked way older than him. She looked older than 27 and I didn't like her.

"I should stop obsessing…" I decided to head the opposite direction to continue shopping. As I pushed Jesse James's stroller close to some toy store, though, I heard someone call out my name.

"Sybil, hi! Hey, Jesse, how are you?" Ponyboy had reached us and was now kneeling down to Jesse James' level, smiling at him.

"Hi!" Jesse James replied happily.

"Are you getting presents? I was just walking around with Ashley." He introduced me to her. "She's a friend."

"Nice to meet you! Ponyboy's told me a lot of things about you." She smiled at Jesse James. "Hey there! You're so cute!" She looked at me again: "Your child is adorable!"

"Thanks…" I didn't know what to say. "So…you're friends, how did you meet?"

"At the editor's. We came from there and thought we'd stop by for a coffee or something." Ponyboy explained.

"Up!" Jesse James cried, extending his arms towards his uncle.

"Not now, baby, uncle Pony's busy…"

"You kidding? Come here, buddy." Ponyboy took him and held him in his arms, while Ashley smiled. "We'll have a walk with you."

I nodded. Something wasn't right there. Ponyboy was acting too friendly and show-off for someone who's got a secret girlfriend. She left not much later and I observed Ponyboy as he talked to Jesse James and entertained him, while we went through random stores. It didn't seem like Ponyboy was disappointed Ashley had left. It didn't seem like he was even thinking about her.

It was all very confusing.

--------------------------------------------

Christmas day was pretty eventful. Jesse James didn't wake up until ten in the morning, so Sodapop, Ponyboy and I had some time to fix things around the house, since Darry and Diane were coming for lunch.

Ponyboy hadn't invited anyone to come over. At the end of the day, I was tired of pretending I didn't know about him and Ashley and while the two of us were in the kitchen, peeling potatoes, I started questioning him. "Are you still going out with Ashley?"

"We see each other once in a while." He replied, not noticing the way I had spoken.

"Are you…in a serious relationship with her?"

Ponyboy stopped peeling potatoes and looked at me: "What?"

"I know it's not my business, I was just wondering if you and Ashley are-"

He interrupted me: "What makes you think I'm dating her?"

I suddenly felt stupid by the way Pony was staring at me, his eyebrow raised. "I…oh, alright! Sodapop told me so, almost two months ago, and I couldn't believe you were going out with someone who's six years older than you but…"

"We're not going out!" Ponyboy laughed. "That's ridiculous! She only helps me with my short stories and stuff, she's a good friend, and… she's the daughter of my publisher. We talk a lot about business and such. And by the way, she's nine years older than me, if you must know."

I must've looked really shocked because Pony started laughing and he couldn't stop. When I was able to say something, I called: "Soda!"

"Yeah?" he yelled from the other room. I repeated what Ponyboy had just said, and Sodapop quickly entered the kitchen: "But I saw you two acting all lovey-dovey in some cafè…" he exclaimed.

"I don't know what lovey-dovey means to you, we were simply talking and having a good time. We're good friends." Pony replied. "You see, appearances are deceiving."

"So you aren't a boytoy after all?" Soda asked, grinning. Pony punched him playfully. "How could you believe I was dating a thirty year old?"

I sighed. "Men!"

"Come on, don't make that face. I promise you'll forget all of this when you open my present!" Soda grinned.

"It better be good." I joked.

Jesse James received more gifts than everyone else, but that was to be expected. When I opened Sodapop's present, I couldn't believe my eyes: he had bought me a pair of earrings that I had seen a couple of months before in Tulsa's mall and I had not looked twice at because they were too expensive. "You're crazy!"

"I know. Do you like 'em?"

"I love them!" I kissed him. "I was going to say 'You shouldn't have' but I can't really say it, because they're lovely and this is the best gift I've gotten in a while!" I looked at Jesse James, who was being held by Darry. "After our baby."

"This is the best Christmas for me." Soda whispered. "And I'm relieved Pony's not dating Ashley after all."

"Me too. Next time, we oughta trust him."

"Yeah, we ought to."


	19. The luckiest person

This time I'm actually updating faster than usual! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: I own Jesse James, Sybil, Josh and Sophie. The rest belongs to wonderful S.E. Hinton.

**19 – The luckiest person**

"I'm an idiot!"

I was trying to park the car in a small space…and I had gotten too close to the car parked behind. Result: I had scratched the car. Soda and I's, not the other one parked there. It wasn't very visible but the sign was there, on its side. "Great, now Soda'll ask me why I didn't pay more attention and Steve will say he's always been right and women can't drive." I sighed. "I hate big cars."

I decided in case Sodapop didn't notice it, I wouldn't tell him.

I entered the house: "I'm back!"

"Great! I was craving some milk." Soda exclaimed, reaching me and looking through the bag I was carrying. I had gone out to get a couple of things at the nearest market.

"That one should be Jesse, not you."

"Like father like son." Soda replied, immediately drinking some milk out of the carton. "Jesse James is watching some dumb cartoon on tv."

"That's not nice. When you were young, you watched some dumb cartoons, too." I reminded him.

"That was Two-Bit." Soda joked.

I went to see our baby, who was staring at the tv screen, completely enthralled by the images.

I picked him up and kissed his cheek. "Who's the most beautiful baby in the world?"

Jesse James looked at me like I was nuts. Then he ignored me and started playing with the tv's remote control.

"Sybil!" Sodapop exclaimed. "I told Josh I'd be at his place by four and it's almost time! Jesse James's ready?"

"Yeah, just put his coat and gloves on."

Soda picked up our child and started making funny faces at him. "Who's the most beautiful baby in the world?"

That was it. Jesse James was staring at him like he was wondering why his parents were so dumb.

Sodapop was going to visit Josh while Sophie and I would go shopping together. I needed to buy lots of stuff for the house, and I also wanted to get something for my baby.

When we finally went outside, Jesse James started crying because, for some reason, he didn't want to be put in his carseat. He had never had any problems with it before and I wasn't sure why he was acting that way.

Soda suggested I sit in the back with him so that maybe he'd calm down, but that didn't work well. So when we reached Josh and Sophie's flat, we were relieved.

"Hey there!" Sophie greeted us when she opened the door. "How are you doing? Man, Jesse James is getting so big!" She smiled at him.

"I know, and heavy too!" I told her, while Sodapop and I entered the living room. I said hello to Josh and not much later Sophie and I were leaving the building.

"I'm glad Josh and Sodapop are spending some time together." Sophie said.

"Me too."

"And I'm glad Jesse James is with them…" Sophie suddenly sounded awkward. "Cause maybe… interacting with a baby… Josh'll realize…"

"Yeah?"

"That…having a baby is a good thing. Or it could be."

I turned to look at her. Sophie was focusing on the road in front of her, but her face was flushed.

"You'd like to have a baby?" I asked. "I mean…you…are you getting married or just…"

"We aren't, not now. But what difference does it make if we're married or not, I just… want to have a family. A real one. I've felt alone for so long and now with Josh… everything's finally going good, it feels so right…"

I understood what she meant. "I know. You deserve to be happy, and Josh too. Does he ever…" I paused. We had reached the mall and Sophie had parked the car. "Does he ever have…nightmares about-"

"Vietnam? Sometimes." Sophie looked at me knowingly. "I think it's pretty common among soldiers…Josh doesn't like talking about that part of his life, so I don't know much."

"Soda doesn't like it either." I looked down.

We were silent for a while, then I spoke again: "Come on, we should be shopping already, not be sitting in the car!"

Sophie smiled. "Let's go!"

Even if we both tried to forget about our conversation in the car, it was obvious it was still in the back of our minds. For some reason, I couldn't wait to go home and re-read the letters Soda had sent me when he was in Vietnam.

So I did. A couple of hours later, when Sophie dropped me off at my house, I carelessly threw the bags on the sofa and went upstairs. I rummaged through some boxes until I found Soda's letters and started reading them all, understanding only a small part of what he spoke about when he described the places he was at, the things he was doing, the people he met. And that made me really sad. I was almost going to cry, but I heard the front door slam and Soda's cheerful voice: "We're home!"

I put away the box and tried to look as normal as possible before walking downstairs. "Hi! Have you been a good boy, Jesse?" I asked, taking him in my arms.

"Yes." He replied. Then he muttered something that sounded like "Dr. Pepper."

"Soda…you haven't let him drink any Dr. Pepper, have you?" I asked.

Sodapop grinned sheepishly. "I guess…just a little."

"Sodapop!" I exclaimed. "You know it isn't good for him, he's barely one year old!"

Jesse James shook his head: "Again!"

"You're not having anymore Dr. Pepper!" I told him. "What were you thinking?"

I turned and carried Jesse James in the kitchen, then put him in his seat. "I bet you aren't even hungry now, after drinking that." I remarked, as I stared at Jesse James. He looked way more awake than he should be at six in the afternoon.

"Don't want food." He simply said.

I didn't know why I was feeling that annoyed. But Soda noticed it at once. "Sibyl…" he reached me in the kitchen. "What's wrong?"

I didn't want to bring up the letters. Those were what was making me feel that way: I wasn't mad at Soda, I was mad at myself, because I couldn't understand everything he'd gone through. I wasn't able to, and that was what got on my nerves more than anything. "Nothing."

"I swear I didn't give him much Dr. Pepper, just a sip."

"Yeah, it doesn't matter." I forced myself to look into Soda's beautiful eyes: "I think…I'll go upstairs to wash my hair. I'm not hungry, but you make dinner for you and Jesse."

Soda didn't insist. "Alright."

After a lot of thinking, I went through a sudden change of mood. I stopped being annoyed and only wanted to put Jesse James to bed and stay with Soda, without worrying about anything.

Sodapop reached me in the living room, where I was watching TV absent-mindedly. "He's asleep."

"Good." I nodded. It was half past eight already.

He sat next to me and sighed. "I don't know what I did wrong, but I wouldn't wanna fight in front of Ponyboy, so if you could tell me what's the matter before he comes home-"

I interrupted him by pressing my lips against his. "Everything's alright." I whispered.

"You sure?"

He was looking at me longingly. I nodded and kissed him again. I really needed to be as close as possible to him that very moment and the same went for him. For once, I was tired of talking.

Later that night, as I lay my head on Soda's chest, listening to his heartbeat, I remembered. "Sodapop?"

"Yeah?"

"I kinda scratched our car this afternoon. Just a bit."

Soda laughed. "I know, I saw it."

"You don't mind?"

"Naw, the car's old anyway." He held me closer to him. I realized I was the luckiest person in the whole world.


	20. Healed

Here I am again with another chapter! Sooo… I think I'll write another couple of chapters or maybe three…but no more than that because I feel it's time to finish this story. I'll definitely miss it and I'll miss you all, my great reviewers, but hopefully I'll keep writing and you'll be able to read my stuff!

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders.**

**20 – Healed**

"Soda, have you seen my blue shirt?"

"Which one?"

I was looking frantically around the bedroom but that damn shirt had disappeared. "The light blue one, with the large sleeves."

"Nope." Sodapop reached me from the bathroom, wrapping a towel around his waist. "Maybe it's in the group of dirty clothes downstairs."

"No way, I'm sure I ironed it just a couple of days ago!" I insisted.

"Well, I don't mind if you just walk around the house like that until you find it." He grinned. I wasn't wearing any shirt at the moment.

"Yeah, and you can walk around in your towel, so if some neighbor comes by to ask for sugar they'll think we're perverts or something." I replied.

"Let 'em think what they want!" Soda hugged me. "I'm crazy about you."

I smiled. "You're saying this just because you're leaving for Texas with Mr. Danes and you feel guilty." I pointed out.

"No, I'm telling you cause it's the truth." He kissed me. "And I'm crazy about Jesse James and leaving you for a week sucks, but I'll call everyday."

"You better!" I joked and kissed him back.

Suddenly Jesse James, who had been sitting in the middle of the bed playing with a stuffed toy peacefully until that moment, started crying.

"Why are you crying, baby?" I picked him up and tried to comfort him.

"Daddy's leavin'!" he exclaimed.

"I'm not leavin' you, Jesse!" Soda grabbed the stuffed toy that was on the bed. "Look, Neal's talking!" He started speaking in a funny, cartoon-like voice: "You don't have to cry, daddy'll be back soon! I'm your friend and I'll keep you company…" Soda said. Jesse James stopped weeping. "But if you cry mommy and daddy will be very upset!" Soda added and started nudging our baby's nose with the stuffed toy. Jesse James finally laughed.

I left the two of them alone and went downstairs to look for my shirt. No such luck.

"I should get going!" Soda exclaimed, reaching me with Jesse James in his arms. "So, be careful while I'm away, don't go out at night on your own, and-"

"Where would I go at night anyway?" I interrupted him.

"I don't know, I was just sayin'."

"And you made it sound like the boogeyman is out there ready to grab me."

"Not the boogeyman but there's plenty of other bad stuff out there." He looked at the clock. "I gotta go. I'll call you soon, okay?" He kissed Jesse James and me and then went outside. I watched him from the window as he started the car. I stared outside for a while, until I couldn't see the car anymore, and turned to my baby: "Let's have a bath, okay, teddybear?" Soda laughed everytime I called Jesse James like that, but I had a soft spot for that nickname. It was perfect for our child.

"No." Jesse James shook his head.

"Why not? I'll put in the water your duck toy, you know, the new one we just bought." I tried to persuade him.

"No." he repeated. "I want daddy."

Great, Soda had been gone for three minutes and Jesse James was already missing him. "Daddy will be back soon, but he'd be disappointed if he knew you didn't want to have a bath and get cleaned. Tell you what, after the bath we'll watch some cartoons before you take a nap."

"Awright." Jesse James finally agreed. The more he grew up, the more stubborn he seemed to become. And he was only sixteen months old.

--------------------------------------------

"Sibyl!"

I heard Ponyboy's voice and I replied: "I'm washing Jesse James!"

He reached us in the bathroom. "Oh, hey...do you mind if Julie stays for dinner? I met Evie and she was so mad for something I don't know, she kept snapping at Julie and I felt bad for her, so I-"

"You invited her?" I finished. "Sure I don't mind…" Sometimes it was a hard competition between Ponyboy and me, about who was most sensitive. "She's in the living room?"

"Yeah, watching TV. I'll go and keep her some company."

When Jesse James was all cleaned up, we reached them. "Hi, Julie!"

"Hi! Hi, Jesse!" she exclaimed. She loved Jesse James for some reason, even more so since he was now talking quite well.

Jesse James looked at her before focusing his attention on the TV screen. He remembered I had promised him he could watch some cartoons.

I let him and Julie with Pony while I went to the kitchen to fix dinner. There were some jeans of Sodapop lying on a chair, so I picked them up and went to put them in the pile of dirty clothes.

But there was something in one of the pockets…

"Pills?" I wondered out loud as I looked at them. They looked a lot like aspirins, but weren't. I didn't think much of them and just put them away.

That night I didn't feel like going to sleep. I stayed up until late, watching some stupid show that was on TV, until they started speaking about the Vietnam war on another channel. At first it was just about the state of things in the country, but then they started speaking about veterans of war who had a hard time adjusting to everyday life back in the US. They also said lots of veterans had committed suicide and many others were addicted to drugs or alcohol. And most of them had psychological issues…

I had to turn off the tv because I couldn't stand hearing and seeing about that anymore. Maybe it was wrong, but it was painful, and I didn't want to start thinking about Sodapop and his experience in Nam once again. I wished it had never happened and I wished the war would end already. It was June 1974, the President had promised the troops would leave Vietnam soon and everything would be over, but how much truth was there? So many young people had paid a terrible price and had been involved in a war they didn't want, sent to a country they didn't even know existed, and forced to see and do things no one could ever forget, not even in a thousand years.

Not to mention the people of Vietnam, all those innocent lives destroyed for nothing. I was sure there was more to their side of the story, but of course you wouldn't find out anything from the media. Soldiers knew better than to trust blindly someone, though, and Sodapop was no different. He had told me a lot about what was going on in Vietnam, what normal people weren't informed of, and it wasn't pleasant. He couldn't really talk much about it without getting upset, but it was way better than years before, when he couldn't even hear the news on TV without freaking out.

"Sibyl…" he told me one night, some months after Jesse James' birth, just after we'd gone to bed. "I think…I'm healed."

"What?" I'd asked. I didn't know what he meant.

"You and Jesse James healed me."

He had kissed me and I hadn't asked anything else, but now I knew what the meaning of those words was.

I shivered. It was a bit cold and I decided I'd better go to sleep when I remembered the pills. I'd ask Sodapop about them when he'd be home…a week later. I didn't want to ask him on the phone, they probably were nothing important anyway.

"Mommy?" Jesse James noticed me when I checked on him.

"You awake, teddybear? What's wrong?"

"Bad dream." He was on the verge of tears.

I tried to comfort him until he calmed down, then I went to sleep as well, hoping Sodapop was alright, too.


	21. The Times They Are AChangin'

Hey guys, I'm updating and I'm really happy to do so! Sorry for making you all wait this long. I hope you like the chapter, even if there's kind of a cliff-hanger at the end… don't hate me!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Outsiders.

**21 – The Times They Are A-Changin'**

"I'm completely stuffed. I think I won't eat for a week."

I smiled. "Yeah, sure."

"What?" Soda replied. "I'm serious, I ate way too much! And yeah, it was very good by the way."

"I hope so! It's not every day that I cook a great welcome-back dinner for you. Even if you were only away for a week." I looked at the sink and sighed. There were lots of dishes to wash now.

Soda assured me he had enjoyed it all very much and Ponyboy agreed. Jesse James had eaten different things, obviously, but he had tasted something of our dinner as well.

Ponyboy cleared his throat. "I need to tell you guys something."

Soda and I looked at each other and then at him. He half-smiled: "It's not bad news, don't worry… well, it's just, I graduated from college a year ago... I couldn't have made it without your support, I couldn't have published some of my stories without you, you've been so important to me… You are still important, you all and Darry are my family and I'm grateful to you… but I think it's time I make it on my own…"

I knew what he was going to say next and my heart almost sank.

"I've been looking around and I found a nice flat downtown that I can afford and I thought of...moving in next month. I didn't tell you sooner because…" He paused. "Because I knew Sybil would stare at me like that and it makes me feel like I'm stabbing both of you in the back…"

He was right, I didn't realize it but I was probably looking at him in a reproachful way. "You don't have to move out! Soda and I love having you here and you're part of the family!" I exclaimed. "You can live with us as long as you wish, even till you get married if you want to!"

I could hear Soda laugh beside me. "Come on, Sybil. Pony ain't a kid anymore, he's probably tired of having to cope with the two of us." He grinned and his brother blushed. "That's not true."

I was starting to feel really sad but didn't want to show it, I didn't want to make Ponyboy feel bad about his decision. After all, he was right, he was twenty-two… but he was still the same fifteen year old kid I had met and known when I'd started going out with Sodapop. "If you're sure you want to live alone… it's fine to me… but I'm going to miss you a lot!"

"You'll still see me all the time!"

Jesse James was listening to us and drooling on his stuffed toy in the meantime. He looked fascinated by our conversation.

"Come on, it's time to get to bed!" I got up and pulled Jesse James away from his seat.

"Not late!" he complained, still staring intently at Ponyboy.

"Yeah it is!" I walked away from the kitchen holding him in my arms. "I'm going to tell you a beautiful story."

"What story?" he asked me as I was changing him into his pajamas.

"The story of Nutcracker and the King of mice." That tale had been a favorite of mine since I was Jesse James' age. My mom had probably narrated it to me at least a thousand times and it never grew old. I had only tried to tell it to my child a couple of times since his birth, but he had always fallen asleep before the end and I'd never had the chance to finish it all.

That night was different. Jesse James listened to the whole story and when it was over he wanted me to tell it once again. I smiled: "Maybe tomorrow, okay? Do you want me to sing you the song of the Little Star?"

"Yeah."

I sang the song that once again was one favorite of mine since childhood. Jesse James was asleep by the end. "Night, teddybear." I kissed his forehead and left the room to go downstairs, but Soda was waiting for me just outside the door. "Hey…" he whispered. "Are you in a nostalgic mood?"

"Actually… yes, I am." I nodded and started walking downstairs. Soda followed me. "Pony's gone out to get some ice cream."

I turned to look at him in disbelief: "What, still hungry? You said you weren't gonna eat anything for a week." I reminded him.

"That's why Pony's gone to get ice cream for you and him. I don't think I'll eat any…" he sighed. "Too bad."

"Don't make that face, you can eat some tomorrow." I replied.

"No, I meant… too bad Ponyboy's going to live on his own. It's going to be a lot different without him here."

"Why did you tell him he could go and do it then?"

"Cause he wants to and he's got a right to do it. He can come back anytime, if things don't work, you know."

"You know if he leaves he won't come back to live here." I whispered. "It's like… when my brother left, when he was eighteen, after our mom had passed away… he travelled a lot and when he finally came back to Tulsa, he didn't want to live with dad and me again."

"That was different, he never got along right with your father, did he?"

I shook my head. "Still… I have this feeling like we're losing Pony."

Soda grinned. "You do realize he's your brother-in-law and not your son, I hope?"

"Stop making fun of me, of course I do! I think it's just… I didn't see this coming." I reasoned.

"I know. Me either." He put his arm around my waist and smiled: "Hey, I liked that Nutcracker story."

"You heard the whole story?"

"Yeah. I listened from outside the room. I like to listen to you when you tell Jesse James stories, you're so good at it."

"Maybe because the people who wrote those stories were good." I pointed out.

"Naw, you're good, full stop."

I was feeling better. "Thanks." I kissed him. "You must be tired, Soda, you got home a couple of hours ago… why don't you go to sleep?" He did look pretty tired.

"I'll go have a shower but I'll wait for you before going to sleep, okay?"

"Sure."

Soda had just disappeared upstairs when I remembered about the pills. I thought I'd ask him the following day.

---------------------------------------------------------

"Joan! Over here!"

"Hey, sorry I'm late!"

Joan reached Jesse James and me. We were sitting on a park bench; he was drinking milk out of his feeding bottle and I was enjoying an afternoon out with my child.

Joan sat next to me and took Zach out of his stroller. "I'm late because Adam and I kinda got into a fight…" she paused. "He wants us to go to the beach in August, when he has a couple of weeks off work, but I don't feel like going…"

"Why?" I asked. "You can bring Zach with you, in August he'll be one year old… it won't be hard-"

"I know, it's just… I'd like to spend some time with Adam alone, but on the other hand I don't even want to be selfish and leave Zach with our parents, you know? I guess we'll see. Are you and Sodapop going somewhere this summer?"

"I don't think so. It's June already and we haven't really discussed about it, so…" I shrugged. "What's wrong, Jesse James?"

He was staring at Zach like he was his worst enemy. Zach wasn't really aware of the situation.

"What about Helene, you heard from her?" Joan asked me.

"Not really… I think she'd tell us if she came back here for the summer, wouldn't she?"

"I guess. So… has Ponyboy moved out yet? I bet it's going to feel different without him in the house."

"Not yet, in a couple of weeks."

"Sodapop's lucky he gets along with his brothers so well. Adam sometimes looks like he's going to kill his brother, they aren't really that close."

"Well, you know… after Soda's parents' death, he had only Darry and Pony. They could only count on one another. I mean, they had friends, it's just… not the same."

We stayed in the park and then had a walk around until it was almost time to eat for our children, so we parted ways and went home. Jesse James had kept staring at Zach with aversion the whole time. He had never done it before and he had met him several other times already.

I checked the mail and found a letter from Lewis. I quickly read it before heading toward the kitchen to fix Jesse James' meal. I heard some noises from inside. No one was supposed to be home yet, so I cautiously peeked through the corner and saw Sodapop. He didn't notice me, he had his back toward the door. I was going to say something, and then I noticed what was going on.

He had just finished pouring some water in a glass and was now swallowing several pills. Definitely not aspirins.

"Soda!" I yelled. "What are you doing?"

He turned abruptly and the glass almost fell from his hands. "Sybil, hi…I thought-"

"What are you… what are those?" I asked. "You're taking drugs?" I whispered the last word. It sounded so weird, so foreign to me.

Sodapop looked away. "It ain't… what it looks like." He whispered.


	22. The Memorial

I finally made it… here's the final chapter. I have to admit, I cried a little while I was writing this, not only because this is the end of this story, but also because of what it's about. I hope you all like it and appreciate its meaning… I enjoyed writing _Lost without each other_ and I'm glad you all read and loved it. Thanks to everyone!

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders.**

**22 – The Memorial**

"Explain then. I'll listen." I sat at the kitchen table and managed to look calm and collected, when I really was almost shaking. I was feeling a rush of emotions run through my body…

"It's…" Sodapop bit his lip. "I didn't want you to know… I didn't want you to worry, but they're not what you think." He sat in front of me. "You've always wanted me to go see some psychologist or somethin'…"

I didn't understand what that had to do with the pills. "So what?"

"I finally did, some months ago. I just never told you. He gave some pills to fight depression and anxiety." Soda showed me the small box which read _Xanax_. "I've been doing a lot better since I've started with those. It ain't been easy, lying to you, but I didn't want you to think I needed these, 'cause with time I'll be able to drop all medications. Doctor told me so."

I was suddenly feeling horrible. "Oh God, I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have accused you… oh God." I repeated. "I'm awful."

"No you ain't, you couldn't know. Everyone would've thought the same thing."

"But I'm not everyone, I'm your wife! I know you better than that." I reached out and hugged him. "Forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive. And now… you're probably thinking I'm weak and that's what I never wanted you to think." He looked disappointed.

"How could I think that, after all you've gone through? Seriously, Soda, you've dealt with a hell of a lot more than most people do in a lifetime… I admire you more than anyone else I know. You're my fortress. And now let's just pretend this… scene… didn't happen because I feel so stupid."

Soda grinned. "Sure thing."

"Look, are you really feeling fine now? I mean taking the pills and… after talking to a psychologist… are you sure everything's alright? If not, you have to tell me, I don't want you to keep things from me, I'm-"

"Sybil, I'm doing great! I know it's kinda confusing but… about the pills… I didn't want to tell you 'cause I wanted to make it on my own. It wasn't a big deal, they're just some help. But the amount of help you and Jesse James give me everyday is far bigger than this one." He said. "And I don't want you to think otherwise."

I smiled. I knew everything he was saying was true and it made me feel relieved.

------------------------------

_**8 years later **_

November 12, 1982 

"Sodapop, we're going to miss the flight!"

"I'm coming!"

I looked around the house trying to make sure everything was in its place.

My brother was contently sitting near the fireplace, reading the newspaper, and Jesse James was reading a comic book. He read a lot for a nine year old, Soda said he definitely didn't take after him. "Lewis, do you remember-"

He interrupted me: "I know where everything is, I know exactly what to do, don't worry. I'm the best baby-sitter in the whole wide world."

I smiled, because he really was. Since he had moved back to Tulsa, three years before, Lewis often spent time with us. Being single and with no children, it was inevitable. And his nephews loved him…

"Here we are!" Sodapop came running downstairs, with our seven-year-old son Valentine on his back. "I'm ready!"

"And they say women are always late." I joked. "Come here, Val." I kissed our child. "Be a good boy and do whatever uncle Lewis says, okay?"

Valentine looked at me sadly. "Do you really have to go?" He had Sodapop's warm brown eyes, but he looked more like me. The miserable look he had on his face at the moment was making me feel awful for leaving for two days, but Soda and I couldn't do otherwise. "Dad and I will be back in two days, you'll have so much fun with uncle Lewis you won't even notice we're away." I tried to reassure him.

"Yeah, we'll bring you presents." Sodapop promised as he kissed Jesse James. "You two get along, alright? Don't drive uncle mad."

Jesse James grinned, showing that smile that was so much like Soda's. "We always get along!" he exclaimed. He was right, he and Valentine never got into fights, and when they did, they usually held a grudge for less than five minutes. Soda always said they reminded him so much of him and Ponyboy.

After other hugs and kisses Soda and I left. As he drove, I stared at him. He had celebrated his 34th birthday a month before, but to me he still looked the same eighteen year old boy I had met that day, many years before, when I'd stopped at the DX station where he was working. He was always the same, despite the sadness that from time to time appeared in his eyes, on some particular days.

Today was one of those days. "Are you nervous?"

"A little." He admitted. "I'm glad you're with me."

"I'm glad we're together."

------------------------------------------

Hours later, we had arrived in Washington D.C. Two-Bit, Josh and Sophie had gotten there a day before and they were all waiting for us in the hotel where we were staying for the night. "Hey, how was your flight?" Sophie asked me.

"It would've been better if the stewardess hadn't flirted with Sodapop all the time." I remarked.

Two-Bit laughed. "Well, what's new. Soda, Josh and I met Harry Mansfield, you remember him?"

"Of course I do! How is he?"

Josh looked sad. "He's in a wheelchair."

"Oh…"

I looked at Sophie. "Why don't we go outside? It's a beautiful day… and I might find some toy for Jesse James and Valentine." I said. "So you guys can be freed from our presence for a couple of hours." I joked.

"Be careful and don't be late." Soda warned me.

"Yeah, don't worry." I kissed him goodbye and Sophie did the same with Josh, then we left the hotel.

Sophie and I were silent that afternoon. We were both feeling anxious, I guess, for the following day, but we didn't really know why. We were waiting for something, but Soda, Josh and Two-Bit were expecting something. And like them, hundreds of other veterans of war.

I'd never forget that day, November 13 1982. It started with a march to the site of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial site by thousands of people and for me it was the most moving experience of my life. Hearing the ex soldiers speeches, seeing them all, so different and yet so similar, affected me deeply.

I couldn't help but stare at Sodapop's uniform. He was wearing it for the occasion, like most of the other veterans there. He'd been eighteen-going-on-nineteen when he had worn it first, but it still fit him well. And watching him, I realized how lucky I was, because that day, all around me, I could see dozens of mutilated people, who carried the signs of the war on their bodies as well as inside.

It was a very long day. As Soda and I walked in front of the Memorial, I couldn't help but weep a little. All those names inscribed on the stone, the names of the ones who died or went missing in action, were so many. Too many. 58,249 and maybe there were still others…

We were reaching one of the ends of the stone walls when I took Soda's hand and squeezed it. He was crying. "There are too many." He said. "I can't believe the madness that caused all of this."

Near to us, many people were having the same reactions. Crying, disbelievingly. Watching. Suffering.

"But it's over." Sodapop tried to smile. "It's finally over. I can feel the difference. Today just…ended something. I can move on now."

"I'm glad you can." I hugged him.

We walked away from the Memorial. His arm rested on my shoulders and we were looking around, to make sure we wouldn't forget what we saw that day. It had taken a long time, but it was truly over now.

"I miss our boys." Sodapop whispered. "Let's go home."

I nodded. "I love you, Soda."

"I love you too, Sybil."


End file.
